FanStory.com - DUEL with the DEVIL - Chapter 16by Jim Wile

Recap of Chapter 15: Raffi meets with Brian after the group meeting in which he shared his story. Raffi thanks him and confesses that Brian reminds him of himself as a youth. Raffi then tells him a similar story of addiction and overdose, culminating in his own road to recovery.

Brian then asks him if he should try to approach Julia, who seems standoffish, and Raffi thinks it’s a good idea for both of them, suggesting that Brian use humor when Brian asks him how. Brian sits in front of her during free time and pantomimes a joke about an orchestra conductor who smells a stink. Julia can’t help herself and bursts out laughing, and the ice is broken. They begin talking and later leave for a snack together.

Chapter 16

Now that the ice was broken, Julia and I began to eat lunch together every day, as well as spend all of our free periods together. We would take walks on a trail around the lake. We were an odd-looking pair. She was so tiny—barely 5 feet tall and maybe only 95 pounds, while I was just over 6 feet and 165.

In spite of the disparity in size, we had a lot in common. We loved books and read for fun. We had some wonderful discussions about a few we had both read. She was a big fan of Tolkien too, and we loved discussing The Lord of the Rings. Her favorite character was Aragorn, while I particularly liked Gandalf. We both loved the character, Gollum. Talk about an addiction! We could identify with him in that regard. She was more into the classics and loved everything Bronte, while I tended more toward the contemporary, like Kurt Vonnegut and John Updike.

Both of us were introverts—she perhaps a little more than me—and neither of us had many close friends. We got to discussing it one day.

“Since I was quite young,” Julia said, “I spent the majority of my time practicing the violin. I can only remember a few times ever having a playdate, and even then, both of us kind of did our own thing. I did make a good friend in fifth grade. She played the violin too, and we would get together and play duets. We also played chess together.”

“Hey, I love chess. Would you like to play sometime?”

“Sure. I’m not that good, but I’d like to play.”

“Well, alright then! Do you know if they have a chess set here? If not, I could bring one from home tomorrow.”

“We could ask.”

“That oughta go over real well with Alphonse and Henry when they see us playing. I can’t wait to hear what they say about that. By the way, I don’t mean to sound cruel or anything, but I haven’t figured out yet if Alex is a boy or a girl. Do you know?”

Julia laughed. “I had the same problem at first until she came into the ladies’ room one time. I’ve talked to her several times. She’s really a nice kid.”

“Phew! Now I know.”

“She’s a few years younger than us and kind of a loner. Maybe we could invite her to eat lunch with us sometime?”

“That would be nice,” I agreed.

We did just that the following day. Alex had a great sense of humor and told us a few good jokes. Julia made me do the sniffing conductor joke again, and the three of us were hysterical after that.

I had found a chess board in a cupboard yesterday after we talked, so Julia and I began a game while Alex watched us play. She had never played chess before, so we explained a few things to her along the way.

Despite what she said the day before, Julia was quite good. We were pretty even for a while until I was able to move my knight into a fork against her king and queen. She slapped her forehead and said, “I’m forked!”

“You’re forked alright.”

Alex registered shock, thinking we were using a euphemism, until I explained what a fork was in chess: when one piece attacks two or more enemy pieces at the same time.

Julia had to move her king to safety, so she lost her queen. Without the queen, it was downhill from there, but she fought valiantly, and it took quite a few moves to finally beat her. After that, we played regularly at lunch, and Alex would watch. We both offered to play a game with her, but she declined and just watched.

After a while, on our walks around the lake during free period, we started holding hands. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world.

One day during my last week there—Julia’s last too—we stopped mid-way around the lake and sat on a bench. There were a few of them on the trail. It was a beautiful fall day. The leaves had begun to fall in earnest, and many of them were floating on the surface of the lake. It was peaceful and quiet, with no one else around at the time. I put my arm around her, and she snuggled right in.

We sat peaceably like that for a while, but my heart was pounding. I turned and looked at her, and she looked up at me. Then I slowly lowered my head as she raised her chin up, and I kissed her gently on the mouth.

That was it at first—only the one kiss. It was my first kiss. Hers too, I later learned, and it was thrilling. Breathless for a while, we stood and walked back along the trail, hand-in-hand. Neither of us talked, but we were both smiling.

Alex saw us return and looked back and forth between us. “What’s with you two?”

“Nothing,” we said together.

Alex rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right,” she said and smiled, knowingly, at us.

At that day’s group session, Raffi led a discussion about things to do instead of drugs or alcohol when we felt stressed. There was also a guest speaker who taught us the art of meditation. Julia was particularly fascinated and took to it quite readily. It was stress she always felt when she had to perform for auditions and contests, and meditation seemed like it might become a great substitute for barbiturates.

The woman who taught us meditation told us to wear something comfortable the following day because we would do some yoga. Julia came from home (she was also in an outpatient program) wearing black yoga pants and beneath her blouse, which she removed, a black, sleeveless crop top. She was dressed like she’d been doing yoga forever, but it was her first time, she told me later, and she’d gone out and bought the outfit.

I was dressed like a schlub in cutoff jeans and a T-shirt, but she looked amazing—so slim and cute with a tiny waist. She looked nothing like Sandi, who was more curvy and much taller and blond, but she appealed to me greatly in a non-intimidating way. I had a hard time concentrating on yoga as I kept sneaking peeks over at her in her tight little outfit.

I got something out of meditation in terms of pain relief. Maybe not so much from yoga, though, although it’s possible I just wasn’t doing it right. Meditation, which taught me how to focus my mind, distracted me from my pain and allowed ignoring it for a while.

Friday of that week was the last day of rehab for both Julia and me. During free period, we took one last walk together, holding hands. We stopped at our usual bench to sit and talk.

“I’d like to keep seeing you, Julia. Lewisville is only a half hour from Kernersville, you know?”

“Do you think it’s a good idea for two addicts to be in a relationship together? Maybe it wouldn’t be good for either of us.”

“Yeah, but maybe we would be able to help each other stay straight. I don’t plan to begin using Oxy again when I finally wean off it.”

“You say that now, but do you really know?”

“Well, I have an added incentive now if it means I wouldn’t be able to see you again if I do.”

She let that sit for a minute to see if I was kidding around, but I wasn’t. She said, “I’ve found something in meditation and yoga that I think can really help me get over my performance anxiety. Do you have something that can help you with your pain so that you won’t be tempted to try drugs again?”

“I saw my spine doctor last week, and we’re talking about another surgery. Plus, he was also telling me about an implantable electronic device that can help block pain signals, so something seems like it should help. Besides, I can tolerate the pain. It’s a nuisance, but I don’t think it compares to the pain I’d feel if I couldn’t see you again.”

She looked at me closely and could tell I was dead serious. “Okay, then,” she said quietly, her eyes glued to mine.