FanStory.com - Nir-Van-NAHby Tom Horonzy

Hell has a better chance to arrive after seventy-five as life becomes less fun as Dark Nader comes along.

I mean, ask any senior if taking a dozen pills twice a day is a thrill. Maybe it is for what may be an acceptable alternative?

Without my Albuterol, I sound like a raspy foghorn piercing the air beneath the Golden Gate Bridge, which isn't half as bad as the vociferous sound that toots from the other end if and when I stop ingesting my Dicyclomine, an antigas medicine. It sublimates the emitance of odor that can leave anyone within ten yards gasping as if they inhaled mustard gas.

There's also the bane of bruising, as skin becomes as thin as a single layer of onion after ingesting Eliquis twice a day, further acerbated by a baby aspirin. I bleed through any pore even if dabbed by a tufted leaf of a Cottonwood tree. What is red and black all over? A senior citizen!

Another seeping dilemma for male seniors, (and maybe girls as well, i.d.k.) is pee, which is supposedly controlled by Tamsulosin. It's not, for drain drops gush like rain from towering summer downpours as soon as Mr. Thingee feels fresh air.

Finasteride is also on my list of narcotics, prescribed by a proctologist who after probing my innards, found Mr. Prostrate enlarged. Gladly, it may have stopped it from enlarging but, sadly, it subdued nearly all proclivity to sex, which led to depression and a pair of man breasts.

Then, there's Atorvastatin for blood pressure, which is taken to decrease the fat contained in bad cholesterol, but the fat controlled there seemingly has appeared elsewhere, like my waistline.

Also prescribed are: Fish oil to reduce inflammation, and prevent blood clotting. B-12 to assist obesity, protect eye and brain health, and improve heart and lung function and D-3 to absorb calcium. Whatever happened to milk?

Therefore, I believe Nirvana for seniors has become Nir-Van-NAH which is the absence of bliss caused by a kiss because anything needed for sex besides a brain has gone astray.