Characters
Ned Nuckledd = Presidential candidate
Pons Maninoff = Ned's cousin and apologist.
Skar = (Oscar Kilo, Pons's clone) Vice Presidential nominee
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential advisor
MauMau = media coordinator
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate / Pons' girlfriend
Betty Biggins = campaign manager/ Ned's girlfriend
C1 (Campaign Aide 1)
Felix Fine = head of security
Powell Wrent = CNN News reporter
Even Ghali = Astrologer
Hed O'deklas = clone keeper
RFC (Radical Female Character)
Ron Rump = former president
MAGA Molly = presidential running mate
Job ByThen = current president
Cabala Harrassed = current VP
Swan Ham-n-cheese = FOX opiner
The scene continues with Ned, President ByThen, and Ronald Rump throwing verbal jabs and countering accusations.
Ron : I can't believe that these two are all I have to beat to be the president again. One is an idiot and the other one is Ned.
Job : My name is President ByThen to you, Felonious Punk.
Ned: Wonner who that idjet is he's atalkin' 'bout.
Ron : I have been disrespected again and again by the enemies of the state, the press, and by this fascist imp Sleepy Job.
Job : There are plenty more including half of the prostitutes in New York City and all of the companies you have had a part in destroying or cheating.
Ned: Wow! I gotta git ta workin' on my own fan base.
Ron : I am the President now, and I have been the president since the turn of the century sometime.
RFC speaks up from her hosting chair.
RFC: You were president from 2016 to 2020, Mr. Rump.
Ron : I was born president, whoever you are. Why don't you get a job testing folding chairs? You have the hips for it.
Job : That is so disrespectful. This good woman wants to be a professional.
Ron: Well sure, but that means she will have to be either a secretary or a bimbo.
Ned: She could be a mom if she wanted to -- or a aunt.
Ron : Sure -- she could be a mom and Ned here could be her baby boy.
Ned: I a'ready gots me a mom.
Job : Speaking of Moms -- we need to reverse the decision on Roe v Wade.
Ned: If it's row or wade, I'd say dog paddle.
Ron : Listen to this moron. He doesn't know his butt from a butter churn.
Job : My mother used to churn butter back on the farm.
Ned: My great aunt Crazy Hazie used ta churn well water ta make whiskey.
Ron : Well sure, she was a nut like you.
Job : Don't call the lad a nut; he could just be a MAGA mutt.
Ned: I dun know iffn my aunt Hazie was really crazy, but she sure did not know how ta churn whisky.
Ron : You can't churn whiskey from water, dummy.
Job : I believe it needs to be distilled by filthy hill folk.
Ned: Paw used ta git a jug a mountain dew from my uncle Batty Natty.
Ron : So he was one of those filthy hill folk?
Ned: Oh no, he got soda pops from the county store and pourt'm inta a jug.
Job : Maybe you are a nut.
Ned: No sir, I am a Nuckledd.
MauMau calls up.
MauMau : So Ned, how will you handle the problem of foreign incursion on the southern border?
Ron : He doesn't know. If you asked me I'd say lock them all up, draw them a map that points to the equator, then launch them on human-sized shirt cannons in that direction.
Job : I am not sure if Nuckledd knows anything, but I would teach all Americans the Spanish language.
Ned: For'n what?
Swan: President Rump, how do we deal with Russia, China, and NATO?
Ron : We need to adopt some government regulations from our comrades in in the former USSR. Then learn the secrets of people power from China. NATO wants to ruin all that so let's give their money to the GOP.
RFC: President ByThen, what do you say about that?
Job : Rump wants to rule the world as a king, with his buddy Putin and his back-slapping pal Xi Jinping.
MauMau : What do you think, Ned?
Ned: Maybe if Ron Rump would settle for bein' the vice predsodent he could jis do all his cheatin' and lyin' ta the kitchen folks and not have ta worry 'bout takin' the U.S.of A. inta a worse place than he left 'er.
Ron : You are the worst candidate in the world. You make BooBoo ByThen look like a qualified dummy.
Job : I am qualified, Jailbird.
Ned: MAGA Molly might jis win and be the first gal predsodent.
Swan: Everything you have said, including your name has been ridiculous!
RFC: Perhaps less ridiculous and closer to merely stupid.
MauMau : Ned ain't merely stupid.
Ron : Obviously!
Job : Maybe I should let Cabala Harrassed become the president and run for that office.
Ned: Now ya thinkin' predsodencial.
Swan: I want to remain detached and not seem biased towards the next president Ronald Rump.
RFC: As do I. Whoever wins the presidency should enjoy being the leader of our DEMOCRAT-see.
To be continued....
