The sun shines outside but my home is dark and gloomy and my bedroom is a torture chamber. Every night I dread going to bed. I know sleep will not come easy.
snakes of light
slither through my window blinds —
darkness wins the fight
I stare at the ceiling that feels like the top of my coffin. Until a raging storm grows in my chest and I get up before my heart explodes. I pace my bedroom floor back and forth like a tiger in a cage. It feels like I can't breathe and I am going to pass out. I panic and there is no one with me, only God, my quiet and loving companion.
fierce beast
devours flesh and bones —
spits out a tender heart
The morning comes and I dread getting out of bed to start another worthless day. Nothing sounds like fun. I look through a sliver of opened window blinds and I feel disconnected, life marches on.
sunrise came and went
without me —
daybreak misses me
Family and friends tell me to get over it, it's all in my head, just be positive. But their words are vacuous and float past my head. Nothing seems worth doing and darkness fills my days.
in a sea of despair,
an empty boat
is full of broken dreams
I beg my doctor to change my medication but she refuses to adjust them. I look at a fist full of pills, seducing me to end the pain.
I grasp God’s hand and we face another day.
Author Notes
*** 988 *** Suicide Prevention and Crisis Line
I am bipolar with long depression episodes and short manic episodes. I also have severe panic attacks. When I was younger I refused to take medication so life was a rollercoaster, as I have gotten older I decided to reach out for help. Life is good. With medication, bipolar people can live normal lives. I don't seek pity, I share my experiences with this illness in case there is someone out there who needs help. It gets better.
vacuous = empty; without contents
HAIBUN is a Japanese poetic form that combines prose and haiku.
TENSE: present or past
SUBJECT MATTER: autobiographical, travel journal, slice of life, memory, dream short sketch of a person, place, and event.
TOPICS: life as a journey, love affairs, illness, human concerns & experiences
POINT OF VIEW: first person (everything seen through the author's eyes), third person (he/she)
TONE sets a mood, often interrupted by the haiku
SENSORY: uses imagery, sensory, concrete details, no abstractions
FOCUS on one or two elements
LANGUAGE uses language to suit the subject matter and mood (colloquial, formal, dialect)
LENGTH: varies from very brief (1-2 sentences) with one haiku, to long prose entries with interspersed haiku, to memoir-length works Styles Haiku/prose Prose/haiku Haiku/prose/haiku, Prose/haiku/prose/haiku/prose/haiku etc.
PROSE tells the story, gives information, defines the theme, creates a mood through tone, provides a background to spotlight the haiku
HAIKU: moves the story forward, takes the narrative in another direction, adds insight or another dimension to the prose, resolves the conflict in an unpredictable way, or questions the resolution of the prose.
Prose is the narrative and haiku is the revelation or the reaction.
Guidelines for Writing Haibun in English by Margaret Chula
click here to read guidelines for writing haibun
for Haibun Today examples and more information click here
for wikipedia definition click here
for Graceguts- more information click here
click here for a pdf file of guidelines
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing my poem,
Gypsy
pictures from my Pinterest account
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