Background
Heddy, a young girl, lives on a remote island off the coast of North Carolina. She wards off imaginary pirates and Germans and talks over life with her late grandmother, Nonni.
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Heddy is a little girl who armed with a big imagination and a special gift, keeps the remote island she lives on safe. She can see and talk to her late grandmother, Nonni. Even here tucked away from the rest of the world, Heddy sees that life can be tough.
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I race past him, smelling the strong scent of coffee on him. I nearly skim the top of the grass as my feet carry me quickly to the top of the dune. I jump down to the bottom, then race past the treasures I had collected for my momma.
Was he chasing me? Was he a spy? If I told on him, would he come find me and my parents?
I cut up a dune and settle down behind it, searching the beach for any trace of him. But, no one is there. He isn't chasing me.
"Why are you out of breath, Heddy?" Nonni asks. She carefully sits down on the sand beside me. Tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear, she closes her eyes and draws in a deep breath. "There is no air purer anywhere in the world, is there?"
I don't think she's talking to me, but I answer. "Nobody lives in the South Pole, so, I think the air there might be real pure. But it'd be real cold."
Nonni slowly opens her eyes and shrugs. "Well, since neither you nor I have ever been to the South Pole, we can't say for sure. But I've visited a lot of places and nothing smells as fresh as the ocean."
I draw in the air, but it just smells like air to me. It's the same air I've smelled every day since I can remember.
"Why were you running? And, why are you hiding up here? Did you see a pirate?"
I'm slow to answer the why's. I just shake my head no to the last question. "No, I didn't see any pirates." I drag my finger around on the patch of sand beside me. Small circles that loop beside each other then through each other.
"Something scare you?" she asks. I watch as she starts making circles in the sand beside me. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but it sure looks like you're hiding from something...or someone."
I look over at her. "I saw smoke over there, you know around the bend near Dr. Monroe's house. I went to find out where it was coming from. It was Dr. Monroe's chimney. So, I went to see if he was back, but it wasn't him." I stop, hoping this much would appease her curiosity.
"Did you find out who it was?" Nonni asks, but it sounds like she already knows my answer.
"He, he was a giant. He had golden red hair. He was bigger than my daddy. He told me to go home and not tell anybody I saw him."
Nonni frowns. "Sounds like he's running away from something. He's hiding."
"When I hide, I go in the back of my closet."
"Well, grownups can't hide in a dark closet. Some leave the life they know and the people they love. Some will drink whiskey until their heads hurt and they forget what their hiding from."
"Yuck."
"Did you think he was gonna hurt you?" she asks.
I think about it. "No. He acted like he was scared. But he couldn't have been, could he? Not a great big man like him."
"Every body is scared of something, darling. Your momma is scared something bad is gonna happen to you or your brother. Your daddy is scared when he has to go to the mainland, and you and your momma are here alone. And, I'll tell you a little secret, when I had to leave my house and move in with y'all, I was afraid I'd be in the way. So, Heddy, everybody has something that scares them."
I think about what scares me. When the thunder rolls in at night and makes the window in my room rattle, then the room lights up like it's day as the lightning flashes white.
"Should I tell Momma? You know, about the man staying at Dr. Monroe's? "
Nonni shifts to her knees and pushes herself to her feet. "You do what your heart tells you to do. Maybe he just needs some time to ponder his problems and to breathe this good air."
I stand and brush my bottom off, sending a flurry of sand around my feet. "You want to come home with me?" I ask.
Nonni smiles warmly but shakes her head. "Not now, darlin', I'm just gonna stay right here and breathe in a little more of this ocean air."
"I love you, Nonni."
She blows me a kiss.
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Momma is sitting at the dining room table. A sheet of her cream colored stationery is on the table in front of her. She looks up when I come in the room.
"You're back sooner than usual. Couldn't find anything good on the beach today?"
I busy myself with picking at the hem of my shirt. "A lot of broken shells," I say. It's not a real lie. It's more like a half truth. "You writing to Aunt Lana?"
"Yes. Your cousin, Belinda, is getting married. Isn't that exciting?" Even as she says it and smiles, her eyes cloud with sadness. "Lana says it's going to be a big wedding. They're going to New York city next month to pick a wedding dress."
She puts the pen down and sighs as she looks up, not at me, but at something else, something that only she can see. "The last time I saw your cousin, she was just a little older than you are now. Her hair was the color of a new penny. Lana used to braid that girl's hair so tight, Nonni told her the poor child's eyes were gonna meet in the back of her head."
"Can I write something to Aunt Lana?"
Momma makes a face like it's a good idea. "Sure. I bet she'd like that." She pulls a piece of the nice cream stationery out of the stack and slides it over to me. "First, go wash your hands. Don't want this letter to smell like the ocean."
I go into the kitchen and push back the sleeves of my sweater. Momma doesn't want to smell the ocean and Nonni thinks it's the best smell in the world. Somewhere in the middle is me. It smells like life to me, the only life I've ever known.
