FanStory.com - The Illusionby Lea Tonin1

Bow to the majesty of the mountains as they race slowly by.

Curtsey to the enormous force that causes their migration.

Give your awe to the oceans might who carves the earths outline.

Show deference to the velvet sky bouncing the moon forward.

Marvel at the gliding golden orb, its magnificent bleed for life.

I always feel afloat after a visits in the mountains. A rejuvenation I can get nowhere else. If I could live there until my days end, I'm sure that I would. That is a matter of planning though.

There is nothing in the world like this beautiful province. One of the last vestiges that remains for wildlife, except in Russia, that is all of any significance.

In my travels, I have never seen anything more beautific than the large shelves of mountain pushed from behind to reach cobalt skies. Gods finger clearly on this land.

The variety of life still remains here in the stillness, on the mountain slopes and in deep green forests. They are almost oblivious to the humans that share the mountains.

Leaving the miracle of slow movement and jagged white peaks, coming down into the valley, I feel as if I've slipped back into the pea soup of life, wading through the BS of my mother's deeds. A thick greasy trap.

I was trying to get over the jolt of truths told to me years before, that many of my aunts and uncle's have different fathers.

Given the nature of the family mayhem, it shouldn't surprise me at all and yet there it was just the same.

Now my mother thinks she has power over me and will dangle information like bait on a hook. The proverbial carrot. Not likely this carrot head green spots on it.

She's still calling here again trying to get my uncle to throw me out.

She keeps saying I'm dangerous, that he should get rid of me. That woman is driven. I will give her that.

All of her actions, since I started writing, speaks of fear to me....desperation oozing through the air.

I heard another scream, a grunt and a large bang followed by children crying! It was so loud!

I almost fell off the couch rather my intended jump to my feet! I ran to the landing acting on pure instinct as I had done so many times in the past.

Looking up the stairs I could see two children clutching their blankets with big eyes and tears rolling out of them. I gave the two young children the peace sign and beckoned them to come down. They came to me willingly enough frightened and bewildered.

I sat them down on the couch while they cried. They repeated their request for their mother, all the while jumping at every sound.

"Let me see what I can do. Stay here ok? I'm going to check. Promise not to move unless your mother comes. Yes?"

They both nodded. I gave them a quick hug then the peace sign again.

I rushed back to the landing in time for the loudest thump and crash I'd heard so far.

Going as quickly and as quietly as I could, I zipped up the stairs.

Looking around the living room, I could see smashed furniture, tossed items, broken glass strewn about.

From the kitchen I could hear a woman talking in a soothing, if quavering voice. A man growling in return. I crept closer to the kitchen. Peeking my head around the corner, she saw me.

Her eyes grew wide while her hand tried to wave me off as if to say,"Don't come in."

I stepped back, ready to pounce at any moment should it be needed. Pure adrenaline rather than brains pushed me on.

Guttural growls bounced from wall to wall, like orders barked from a drill sargeant.

Then advancing heavy footsteps filled with malevolence, another crash of a pan being thrown. Then I heard a woman's voice pleading. A scuffling...then silence...more scuffling another bang. That's it! I couldn't stand there any longer!

I ran into the kitchen and saw his hands around her neck as he pushed her up against the fridge. Her face getting purple as she struggled.

That rage! The rage at the site in front of me, shot through me like an arrow!

I jumped on his back and pulled my arm around his neck and yanked as hard as I could! For a split second she was free, just long enough to get out of his grip. He then grabbed my arm and tossed me to the floor bouncing off the cupboards. He shouted something in his language shaking his fist at me. Then glared at his wife, spittle spewing in his anger and shaking his fists at her.

He grabbed his keys off the hook and stomped out slamming the door as he went. An engine rumbled then faded.

I looked over at Mrs. D and could see the anguish in her face.

I stood and walked over to her. "Are you ok? Do you need to go to a hospital?"

"No, no hospital," she rasped.

I didn't question it. I understood the need to not have authorities involved. In my experience, they do not help.

I looked at her neck which showed angry purple finger marks on her olive skin. I quickly grabbed her a glass of water.

"Your kids are downstairs on the couch where I asked them to stay. I'll go check on them and bring them up"

She nodded drinking sips of the water I gave her. Down the stairs, I shut and locked the front door. Not easily as it was slightly bent on its hinges.

Walking into the small living room where the two crying children were still on the couch. Fright must have kept them there. Whatever it was, I was glad for it.

"It's alright now. It's over. Your Dad went for a drive and your mom's upstairs okay? Let's go see her and she can put you guys to bed."

They nodded and up we went. She had a silk scarf around her neck so the children didn't see the marks. She gave them each hugs and, brought them to their room.

Mrs. D came out of the bedroom after a time. Comforting her children no doubt.

"Are you sure you don't want help? You're the mother, maybe it will be different for you." I said.

"No." She said again. "No help."

I said no more.

Quietly I took a garbage bag, the broom and dust pan and began to clean up. After a few minutes of picking up broken items, I looked over at Mrs. D who was crying softly.

I didn't quite know what to do except offer her a consoling look. After a few minutes, she picked up the broom and started to sweep.

As we worked, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen next? Has the other shoe dropped?

Or perhaps it's all just illusion....

Perhaps living peacefully IS the illusion.

The dance begins again.

Remembering that night, I recall it was a sleepless one. One who is worth their salt though, sat on guard and did not fall asleep.

The vigil of hours stiff with readiness sadly, was not unfamiliar to me.

I knew how to react in a violent situation. I'd seen it many times and been a part of it more than I cared to remember.

My thoughts and actions towards abuse changed. It seemed rage would be my savior after all. It seemed I could banish the victim in me forever using rage as my guide.

I remember those moments of revelation. Not thinking they were at the time. Funny how realization takes time to catch up sometimes...The thought that ocurred to me about the whole incident was the fact that I felt no fear, not for a second...only rage...

Fear showed up later on when it had no business being there.

I heard another scream, a grunt and a large bang followed by children crying! It was so loud!

I almost fell off the couch rather my intended jump to my feet! I ran to the landing acting on pure instinct as I had done so many times in the past.

Looking up the stairs I could see two children clutching their blankets with big eyes and tears rolling out of them. I gave the two young children the peace sign and beckoned them to come down. They came to me willingly enough frightened and bewildered.

I sat them down on the couch while they cried. They repeated their request for their mother, all the while jumping at every sound.

"Let me see what I can do. Stay here ok? I'm going to check. Promise not to move unless your mother comes. Yes?"

They both nodded. I gave them a quick hug then the peace sign again.

I rushed back to the landing in time for the loudest thump and crash I'd heard so far.

Going as quickly and as quietly as I could, I zipped up the stairs.

Looking around the living room, I could see smashed furniture, tossed items, broken glass strewn about.

From the kitchen I could hear a woman talking in a soothing, if quavering voice. A man growling in return. I crept closer to the kitchen. Peeking my head around the corner, she saw me.

Her eyes grew wide while her hand tried to wave me off as if to say,"Don't come in."

I stepped back, ready to pounce at any moment should it be needed. Pure adrenaline rather than brains pushed me on.

Guttural growls bounced from wall to wall, like orders barked from a drill sargeant.

Then advancing heavy footsteps filled with malevolence, another crash of a pan being thrown. Then I heard a woman's voice pleading. A scuffling...then silence...more scuffling another bang. That's it! I couldn't stand there any longer!

I ran into the kitchen and saw his hands around her neck as he pushed her up against the fridge. Her face getting purple as she struggled.

That rage! The rage at the site in front of me, shot through me like an arrow!

He grabbed his keys off the hook and stomped out slamming the door as he went. An engine rumbled then faded.

I looked over at Mrs. D and could see the anguish in her face.

I stood and walked over to her. "Are you ok? Do you need to go to a hospital?"

"No, no hospital," she rasped.

I didn't question it. I understood the need to not have authorities involved. In my experience, they do not help.

I looked at her neck which showed angry purple finger marks on her olive skin. I quickly grabbed her a glass of water.

"Your kids are downstairs on the couch where I asked them to stay. I'll go check on them and bring them up"

She nodded drinking sips of the water I gave her. Down the stairs, I shut and locked the front door. Not easily as it was slightly bent on its hinges.

Walking into the small living room where the two crying children were still on the couch. Fright must have kept them there. Whatever it was, I was glad for it.

"It's alright now. It's over. Your Dad went for a drive and your mom's upstairs okay? Let's go see her and she can put you guys to bed."

They nodded and up we went. She had a silk scarf around her neck so the children didn't see the marks. She gave them each hugs and, brought them to their room.

Mrs. D came out of the bedroom after a time. Comforting her children no doubt.

"Are you sure you don't want help? You're the mother, maybe it will be different for you." I said.

"No." She said again. "No help."

I said no more.

Quietly I took a garbage bag, the broom and dust pan and began to clean up. After a few minutes of picking up broken items, I looked over at Mrs. D who was crying softly.

I didn't quite know what to do except offer her a consoling look. After a few minutes, she picked up the broom and started to sweep.

As we worked, I couldn't help but wonder what would happen next? Has the other shoe dropped?

Or perhaps it's all just illusion....

Perhaps living peacefully IS the illusion.

The dance begins again.