FanStory.com - Windowby Lea Tonin1

The trails of the past link to the future.

What is it to know peace when it has run from you?

Perhaps it is the mask it wears or the costume on halloween.

Perhaps malevolence is its placenta.

Then can it be called peace?

I think not.

Deception wears many faces, as does remorse.

Become the sleuth of your heart's desire.

Know that the trail ends on the same spot.

Peace, happiness, love are gifts we give to ourselves.

Respect, forgiveness and trust are not automatically bestowed.

They are earned things.

Love and I'm sorry are words of action.

We do rather than say.

The trails of the past link to the future.

Ride the wave.

***********************************present

Everyday seems to hold new discoveries of what was and what is. The rabbit hole goes deeper then even I knew. My mother again, did another reprehensible thing. She stole my step brothers inheritance. Every penny. A large amount. Plus his father's watch and topaz ring which was to go to my step brother.

So much corruption, so many lies. Was my whole life a lie? What is true?

That is definitely not going to come from my mother. After the three name changes, she put me through, all illegally, I was a very confused girl and didn't know who I was.

I go by my birth name now or the shortened version of it, I should say.

More stories fly with more lies to spatter those around her.

She is still trying to have me removed from my home by a daily phone call to my uncle. She left me on the street with false promises to return.

Thank God my uncle doesn't believe a word she says. He knows her...and well.

I know I can't change what was. I can change what comes though.

With my guts in a knot, I will keep pushing ahead beyond her and beyond all of this.

I know the truth of the matter. I've had to content myself with that for many years.

Sometimes truth is not enough though when the lie is much more fun.

Sometimes it matters nothing at all.

That's what it is to deal with my family.

It's whatever works for mom.

Guess what? I'm here now. No more so called truth will I accept from mother, it's truth according to what is.

I'm in the mountains for the weekend. The drive is always a vision of beauty, almost unreal as the vision everytime. Such is the sight.

We move first through the thick foliage and trees of rain forest country.

Up in the mountains there are hectares of mountains and valleys filled with a coniferous forest as far as the eye can see.

Then the trees thin, the orange mountains appear. Finally they give way to arid land which skirts on the edge of desert-like conditions.

The only place in this oceans of country that's like that. Breathing in the snap of dry cold air, clean as new wind, I return to peace. Staring up at the orange mountains in front me, I realize, we are tiny dots standing next to such a miracle of magnificence.

We are insignificant in light of these monumental creations.

Stand beside one and see...how very small we really are.

See how the beauty can heal...see the forest for the trees.

*****************************

My new friend was right on time picking me up. He showed up in a camper van which he explained belong to his father. He showed me a happy grin and asked me how I was.

I responded, "Okay thanks, you?"

To which he answered, "I'm good. Whatchoo do all week long?"

"Looked for work. I need to be able to pay some rent. I don't think the mister of the house likes me too much. His wife says he'll like me fine if I put cash in hand "

B chuckled and said, "Aren't we all."

We pulled into a lot and parked. Looking at the front of the building, it seemed so much more festive than the adult club. This one boasted a hypnotist show starting at 10pm.

Inside was just as festive as the outside but, more so. Lots of games, well lit dance floor, a DJ playing cool music and in front of me was the pop stand. All kinds of candy, all kinds of pop, no booze and no scams.

I looked over at my friend who was laughing with a couple my age when he called me over.

All through the evening B introduced me to his friends and spent the next couple hours playing air hockey with me and shooting pool.

B treated me just like any other of his friends for which I was relieved. Then the announcement for the hypnotist came, so we all gathered round. This particular hypnotist's ability was based on how many kids would pretend to be hypnotized.

He managed to get several of them up. Made them dance like ballerinas and then eventually had them start stripping off their clothes. Of course, he stopped them just before they could. It was very amusing and entirely fake.

A couple times I was asked to dance but, because I still wasn't sure I was able to actually do that. I declined both times. I did slow dances at the adult club, but that was all.

This definitely was a fun night. No pressure from anyone. No manipulation. No lies.

Soon midnight rang and the place was closing for the night.

On the drive back home, I thanked my friend for a fun night. He asked if I'd like to go again next week.

I easily said yes. I wished him goodnight and went inside entering by the basement.

On the really hard couch was a message from the lady upstairs. "Kentucky chicken call. Joo call dem back." Below that was a phone number. "Maybe it was for a job." I thought. "How bonus would that be!"

The following morning I made the call and spoke with the restaurant manager. He promptly gave me a start date he explained was the beginning of a trial period of three months.

I was extremely excited and so very grateful! Minimum wage of course as I had no experience but, that was to be expected.

Still, I was very relieved! This carried on peacefully, quietly and happily enough for a couple of weeks!

No incidents or things I had to worry about. It was pure bliss!

I fell asleep on the hard couch after a busy day and for once, no nightmares.

Some hours later, that would all change.

***

A sudden assault on my ears shrieked its way through my eardrums quickly followed by the smashing of heavy wood and the sound of shattering glass.

The scream of pain crashed through my brain and had me scrambling to my feet.

I knew that sound...coming from my own lips.

*****************************present

I took some lovely pictures pictures of peaceful things that I can look at when I'm deeo in thought. The smells and sights fill me and rejuvenates me.

That's one of the reasons I appreciate nature so very much. It brings me back to the core of myself. The real reason for life certainly wasn't what I had.

But the mountains whispered to my heart, the trees tickle my back and the breeze tells me secrets.

They all sing to me the same beloved song....

Come now, it's time to go....