Exceptional Out into the unknown. Age 17 Spectre : Searcher by Lea Tonin1

Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of language. Background Artwork by Lea Tonin                                           Tremble and shake my body quakes. My mind directly in tow Knocking knees that can't believe we're one My hearts brazen hope   What is courage that causes worry to cope Choices abandon the soul  Rise up from dust and gather bones. Bring them home to grow.   Shake off the disease manipulators leave. See black from the white . Wash away the infection find new direction. Add the color between.    Now it is done you'd better run. My rage is no longer yours.   *********************************present    Two steps forward, one step back.  I always wonder why everything has to be an ordeal. Why couldn't the odd plan go through without a hitch? Why must things be so difficult? I know why, that's just self pity talking which sometimes has its way with my head. Such is the nature of our life lessons. Impactful, to create an impression to perfect our souls.  I am still learning.  I've felt and still feel my thoughts expanding as my mind fills with new knowledge each and every day. Not just the generic way of learning but on a soul level. Knowledge of life and what's to come. There's a chalk board in my mind with two columns on it.  One column says "nuts" and the other column says "not nuts".  Depending on the check marks listed, determines my state of mind. How about going to the supermarket instead and say, "Fruit cake! Aisle seven, just behind the nuts!"   This planet is the most negative planet in God's universe. The boot camp for souls, it's the place we come to learn our lessons the fastest to perfect our souls.    Any soul who chooses a life here, is a warrior soul.  We are all warrior souls. Like any battle though, there are casualties.  At least it works for me.   It is 1:45 AM here....the darkest time of night when the vale is thinnest. When all whisper and speak of things yet to come.   The fog has returned and captured this house in grey chains thick as pea soup.  It seems all the rodents and cockroaches have taken refuge under the house.  My dog listens intently at the squeals and taps below. cocking her ears and turning her head ever alert.    I ask myself two questions every day. One is, "Did I do the best I can?" The next one is, "Can I do anything else?" If the answers are "Yes" and "no", then I must be like a duck and let the rest roll off my back.   Can I do or change anything in my life? Can I make it better in the future?   I can try...that is all.   ***************************Past   The next morning I woke with a kink in my neck having spent the night on that concrete couch. It was either that or sleep on the floor.  My gratitude toward that rock like structure, remains intact. I had Chai tea with the family, explained I would be gone for the day to look for work. They smiled and nodded except for Mr. D...he just grunted. I boarded the bus at 9AM to head toward the main drag of the city. There I'll start to look for work. Riding along, I watched the world slip by. The closer to the bus, the faster it sped. Farther away, I could watch at a slower place. The juxtaposition always fascinated me. The gentle rocking and the rolling scenery, caused my eyes to close. Then, I drifted away.    I was running...blood dripping from my nose then snatched by the air as I flew by. Speeding as quick as I could through the living room toward the bathroom. I knew he was a breath behind me, even my skin tried to run faster than me. For him to catch me, likely meant taking my life. I knew it. So I flew as fast as I possibly could. Right for the bathroom then threw myself down the laundry shoot. Of course, it was a nightmare, so the laundry chute was extra long and my legs were sluggish like wobbly spaghetti noodles.   The slightly quicker, dark figure knew what I was doing and raced down the stairs to meet me at the bottom. In my nightmare, I knew wasn't going to make it. I knew I would not escape this house. The bottom of the chute was the end of my journey.  The chute door creeked, then flew open! The dark fist entered, flashed toward my neck and squeezed.....   I yelped!  Suddenly, I was awake, jolted by that fist which never fails to come.   In a desperate attempt, to banish the images from my mind, I looked again through the big windows that every bus has. A person can almost see full circle. For someone like myself, that was paramount. I watched and waited until my heart settled. I sat stiffly while I waited until my mind eased from the terrifying, paralytic fright that comes over me. A couple bus loops should do it. *** I was aware of a lot of fast food places along this strip. I had no clue what I was doing, or what I should say. Shaking off the last remnants of my nightmare, I came to the realization that I'm not as tough as I think I am. It's unnerving when suddenly you realize you don't know as much as you think you do. I was nervous about approaching strangers and going into strange places but, at least I was clean and had reasonably acceptable clothes on. I decided to work my way up the main drag toward the bridge. By the time I reached the bridge at the end of the day, I will be closer to a bus loop and return faster. The first place I entered was a pizza place. Slightly shaky, I walked up to the counter. "Excuse me, I was wondering if there's work?" The girl behind the counter passed over an application and said, "Fill this out, I'll pass it onto the boss." I carried on in this fashion stopping at places like;  Dairy Queen, Burger King, Wendy's, a Chinese food place and finally McDonald's not too far from the bridge. My feet were tired and I was hungry. I opted for fries and a coke. As I steered myself to a table, I bounced off this guys chest tossing my fries everywhere.   "Oh shit!" He exclaimed. "I'm really sorry! I wasn't paying attention. Can I get you another order of fries?"   I just stared at this dark haired, blue eyed guy around my age with a blank expression.  I snapped of it. "Oh, yes please." I answered. I sat down with my coke and waited. A few minutes later he returned with the promised fries. "Sorry about that," he said, a friendly expression on his face,"I didn't see you there." He introduced himself and I did the same. "I live just over the bridge. Goin' to Bumpers after I eat. Ever been there?" B asked. "What's a Bumpers?" Answering his question with a question. "It's a club." He answered. "Ah no, I think I've had my fill of clubs." I said.  "It's not that kind of club," he said. "It's a club for teenagers. A place you can go to dance, shoot pool, play pinball games, or air hockey if you like that kind of thing." He explained. "No alcohol there as we're underage. But you can get a pop and a bite to eat." "Sounds like fun." I said. "Maybe I'll come sometime." "You should," he said, "You might like it. Tell you what. I'll give you my number, give me a shout if you'd like to go sometime. I'll even pick you up." I offered a small smile and said, "Perhaps I will." "Ok," he said. "Good to meet you. Take it easy." "You too, bye."  I watched him walk out the door, jump into a van and drive away. Then I made my way to the bus loop and boarded a bus.  I gazed out the window as we drove along. Watching the sunset tease the horizon with golds, pinks, orange and finally red. Succumbing to the drop, the sun made one last blast of color shining under the clouds before the slipping to slumber.  It was tranquil...not a feeling I'm used to but, it brought me a smile just the same.  I wish all days could give some peace.  But I have no such illusions...only the surety of challenge.... **********************present   A deep breath and a sigh of remembrance, I settle my mind to return to the present.   Sometimes a person can get lost in memory.  Some never come out. Some do not reach their memories at all.   For those who try...wear a space suit or some armor.    It gets rough in there....    Recognized Author Notes This story is from an autobio called Spectre book two of the series. Book one is called Ghost. Both can be found in my portfolio. Should you wish to read, please note sun. Chapters are difficult to digest. Reader the discretion is advised.

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