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LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopeful
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
Skar = Pons' clone and campaign worker
Pons Maninoff = keeps Skar on a short leash
MauMau= media coordinator
Betty: = campaign manager
AA (Abecedari Ann) = Poet Laureate
Fox Fine: Detective
Felix Fine: Detective
Lowell Wrent = Fox News reporter
Bull Schlitz = Police Inspector
Lt. D'weir = homicide investigator
PA = Physician Assistant
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Previously, Loralie DeSilva, Ned, and Betty Biggins are being detained at police headquarters as suspects in the murders of both Zora Abebe and Abracada Brah.
The scene opens in the homicide office with Inspector Bull Schlitz at his desk sitting across from both Skar and Felix Fine.
Bull : Which a yous is Freelicks Fine?
Felix : I am FEE-lix Fine, Inspector.
Bull : That makes you Scarface?
Skar : The name is Skar. S - K - A - R.
Bull : Officers found yous two rollin' around on the floor like kids in schoolyard.
Skar : He started it. Hey, aren't you going to ask me about my name?
Bull : Do either of yous got information about the murders?
Felix : Are you referring to the examples of the murder of the English language that you are demonstrating, or --
Bull : (yells into intercom) Weirdo!
Lt. D'weir: (on the intercom) Yes, Inspector.
Bull : Put these two in lockup for twenty-four hour.
Lt. D'weir: On it.
Skar : Wait a minute, Columbo. You've no reason to lock me up.
Two officers enter and whisk Felix and Skar away.
Bull : (on the intercom) You gettin' anywhere wit the others?
Lt. D'weir: No brains here, Inspector.
Bull : Send in Knucklehead.
On the other end of the intercom...
Lt. D'weir: Ned Nuckledd, you are to walk to and through that door (pointing) and sit across the desk from Inspector Schlitz. Do it now.
Ned : Okeedokee.
Pons: I want to go with Ned. I'm his -- sponsor.
Lt. D'weir: Papers?
Pons: In my other script.
Lt. D'weir: Tell the Inspector - uh - Maninoff. Go on in.
n
Pons and Ned walk to and through the office door and stand across from Bull. Pons finds a nearby chair and both sit.
Bull : (on the intercom) Weirdo!
Lt. D'weir: Sir?
Bull : Why ain't Scarface in lockup?
Lt. D'weir: He is, Inspector. The two with you are Ned Nuckledd and Pons Maninoff.
Bull : (to intercom) Any good coffee out there?
Lt. D'weir: If an empty pot is good.
Bull : Send somebody to the sergeant's desk and bring coffees for Knucklehead, the Fonz, yous, and me.
Meanwhile, at the local Urgent Care facility, MauMau rushes in.
MauMau: Help! I need help!
PA : How can I help y-- gaaa!! What happened!?
MauMau lowers the bloodsoaked shirt which he had ripped off a passersby to apply pressure to his face wound.
MauMau: Fix this! I need shots as well -- and get me a gypsy or a priest!
PA : Were you attacked?!
MauMau: By a demon!! A mindless murderous creature!
PA : I'll call the police right now.
MauMau: The gypsy!! Get me -- gypsy and --- (he faints and hits the floor)
PA : (on the phone) Yes, officer. Please send someone to the Urgent Care on Main Street. Yes, down from the old Big Boy. It is an emergency. I also need an ambulance and --- a gypsy --- and a priest.
To be continued...
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