I gave myself a special treat
When Eighty-Five I turned
So stayed last night at a grand hotel
A gift I thought I’d earned
But checking out sent utter shock
Both up and down my spine
The total for the final bill…
A HUGE Two hundred fifty-nine
“What?” I gasped in disbelief
“This charge is way too high!
I know this is a nice hotel
Explain and tell me why!”
“I only stayed just overnight
And breakfast didn’t eat…
Was in a simple 4th floor room
Where all I did was sleep!”
The clerk said that $259’s
The basic, standard rate
And breakfast was included
Had I chosen to partake
Annoyed, I then demanded
No… insisted... that I speak
To the manager on call that day
So discount I could seek
Forewarned by her, the Manager
Spoke blunt, as if on queue,
“Dear Madam, I assure you
That there’s nothing I can do!”
“This hotel boasts an eight-lane pool
And finest conference hall,
There’s 18 holes for golfing free
And courts for hand or pickleball!”
“Not one of these,” I did respond,
“I used or even would have!”
“But Madam, we do have them all
You know you really could have!”
“Well, just the same,” I spoke up firm
“No extras did I seek…
I didn’t use the spa or gym
To tighten my physique!”
“But ma’am, from round the world each night
The best performers play
And shows are free to all our guests
To aid a pleasant stay!”
“These nice amenities you crow
I didn’t use, nor would have!”
“But Madam, they were here for you…
You know you really could have!”
Round-about and back and forth
In battled conversation
The “could have’s” he kept taunting me
Just heightened my frustration
Exasperated, in defeat
There wasn’t any doubt
I had to give the man a check
Still fuming, wrote one out
The Manager then took my check
And as I scoffed, “So long,”
He said, “Excuse me, Madam,
But I think you wrote it wrong...
“This check is just for Fifty-Nine…”
“But that’s correct, you see,
“I charged $200 bucks a night
For you to sleep with me!”
“But Madam, I did not do that
Nor never, ever would have!”
“Well that’s too bad for I was here…
So now you know…
You could have!”
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