FanStory.com - Revealby Lea Tonin1

Background
M is "mad friend"
S is"Sad friend"
Using this short form going forward.

Exhaustion... I feel some of that. Maybe not so much mentally. I think it's more about old emotions.

I keep the ring tight while I'm writing but still allow the feelings to guide my pen.

It's a balance really like anything in life...balance A strong realization has hit me over the last little while.

I was wrong.

When the well spring sprung I thought for certain it would turn out bad. There are people behind me now offering support, rooting me on.

Giving me the gift of belief.

Let the healing begin...

*****************************

A scream. The loudest scream I ever heard and it's coming from me.

I clamped my hand over my mouth. My heart thundering in my chest while outwardly I listened for sounds. Nothing...just the slam and bang of my heart. Having dredged up all of that poison and spewed it out around the campfire, the nightmares showed no mercy.

I waited for that look in their eyes that I was sure my two friends would give. The one that says, "You're fucked". After all that was on tap since the day I was born!

I looked into the faces of my two friends reluctantly raising my eyes to theirs.

What greeted me was not the look of disgust. Instead, I beheld one face almost purple with fury and the other, sorrow.

"Dude, we should go over with some buddies and show that fuck what pain is!"

My two friends looked at each other in agreement that must be the solution.

" Thanks, guys I'm just glad you believe me," I said

"We knew something was up. Just didn't think it was this!" My sad friend (S) confessed.

" Promise me you guys won't do something stupid and go over there and make a scene. He has a nasty temper and that'll just make things worse."

"Ok well, maybe we can talk to my parents. Maybe they can help." My mad friend (M) got up and started to pace around.

"NO!!" I yelled. "I'm sorry. You can't do that. You can't tell anyone promise me! They'll send me back! I can't go back there...I can't!" Sobs ripped unwillingly out of my mouth.

S looked up and asked, "What can we do? You just gonna live here?"

"I don't know yet...something. I do have a favour to ask though..." looking a little embarrassed.

"Shoot," they said in unison.

"I could sure use some food. Maybe an air mattress, something to cook with?" I asked.

S picked up a bit, feeling better knowing that there was something he could do.

"Fer sure, I'll go in the garage and see what camping gear I can grab without the old folks knowing."

M too, didn't look like a purple plum anymore. Starting to calm down now that he had a mission in mind. At least that was my assumption.

" I can get you some food. I can't take too much though. My Dad's got an eagle eye on everything. But man we gotta hit the trail or they'll ground me. Let's roll." M replied.

"Thanks, guys, thanks for not thinking I'm a freak and thanks for helping me out. I won't forget."

My two friends waved goodbye saying," We'll be back on Saturday."

It's pitch black outside. Just as black inside my tent. I knew the man wasn't there and yet my body was set for flight regardless.

I could still see that fist coming down towards my face and in my nightmare, the fist was 10 times bigger. I tried to sleep more but every time I closed my eyes, red was all I saw. I realized I could see my hands in front.

Light comes to chase the nightmares away.

Saturday they said. That's three days away! Food was my immediate concern. There was exactly one piece of pizza left in the box. I had one Ding Dong and a 1/2 container of water. Without money, there is only one thing to do... I have to steal it.

One look on my face they would know. No poker face here and not something I could take a practice run at. I munched on my cold piece of pizza slowly. Cause I knew that when it was done I would have to take action.

Reluctantly But there is no choice.

Choices are for those who've never known fear. It's the great debilitator.

Is what I'm doing the right thing to do? Are there any choices? Am I now set on the path I just made for myself? Whatever that may be, I hope it's better. This can't be all that life is. Hard, unforgiving cruel? Hell...what do I know? Only what's behind me...forward I go...watching for trip hazards with every step...

*****************************

What if unloading pain was a diet? I would've lost half my weight by now and dropping fast.

The memories line up in my mind in order one by one. The emotional baggage train just behind them.

We cannot stop the train from rolling. It will roll regardless dropping rail cars along the way....