FanStory.com - The forest Cradleby Lea Tonin1

Casting my mind back to the memories that stir, wrestle and push, I must order my thoughts and at the same time maintain a certain distance as if I were watching a movie.

So far I had learned that adults could not be trusted. Especially parental figures.

I learned there was no such thing as love, faith or hope. That all was betrayal and that survival was the only gift I could give myself.

I learned what not to do, not necessarily what TO do. I carried on my forest life until I couldn't anymore.

Life outside of the home I knew was like stumbling around in the dark. Scarier than any tent in a forest by far.

Scarier than any person could be...except him.

It was getting dark, the bushes and branches were snapping back in my face and arms. It was a little chilly. It was early spring after all. At least I knew the summer months were coming, I had a little bit of time.

I walked for another twenty minutes and found a spot far enough off the beaten path that no one could see or hear me. I set up the small tent under the boughs of a cedar tree thinking it would protect me a bit from the elements. I learned map and compass as well as survival techniques while deployed in the Army Cadets.

I began to practice what I knew by setting up what they called a "Hoochie". A shelter made from raincoats and other waterproof materials. I also learned how to make fire with minimal fuel and under wet conditions.

I cheated a bit and bought a lighter. I also had some paper from what I bought at the store. I made a fire and then began to create a perimeter which was another Army-created task. The perimeter is designed to make noise when touched should anyone come near. I was used to listening to sounds in the night. And listen I did.

It didn't take long to set it up. I was smart enough to bring water in with me but not smart enough to bring anything to cook with.

I knew I would have to find some sort of supplies soon even just a pot and a spoon would do for now. But I had limited resources. Very little money. The only thing I knew how to do was work hard.

But no one would hire me at my age. I was too young. All I could do was babysit and that was out given my circumstances.

I let the fire burn low while I considered many wacky things that could be done even the ridiculous ones crossed my mind, but every one of them required risk.

I could tell no one who I was or where I was. That was my conviction at that time. They would just send me back and I wasn't going back.

I was so exhausted, My face was covered in tears, dirt and the Ding Dong I had just eaten.

The warmth of the fire was causing me to nod. So I put it out and looked over at my pup tent. The thought occurred to me that any noise I heard that night would not be coming from "him" but from the singing forest all around me.

A sigh escaped me as I crawled in. The ground was hard but I just didn't care.

I wanted to rest. I just wanted to turn my mind off. I wanted to forget that this was my life.

My sister flashed across my mind as I drifted off. I thought, "I'm going to go get her just as soon as I can..."

Morning found me curled in a ball in my tent. I was cold but I had rested.

I took some of the water and splashed my face. Ran my fingers through my hair to try and get out some of the tangles. I concluded that I was not going to get any more presentable than I was at that very moment.

I ate another ding dong drank a little bit of water, and sat down to think again about what to do next.

I had two friends in the whole world. One I met in Army Cadets and the other was in the same school as me. We were the three amigos. They were close to me or as close as I would allow them to be.

We made up silly jokes together and did practical jokes on the clerk in the Tim Hortons.

We would take the sugar dispenser screw off the top lid. Then take a paper towel, and put it on top. Gently turn it over with the paper towel underneath. Then replace the lid on the bottom of the dispenser. It looked like a completely normal sugar dispenser until the clerk came along and lifted it, boof! Sugar everywhere! These were my two friends...they didn't know a lot about my situation so I was going to have to swear them to secrecy and tell the truth...all of it if I wanted their help. I didn't want them to think less of me because of my family. In my situation, I was used to people looking down on me because I wasn't the same as everyone else. I didn't wear the same clothes or behave the same way.

I didn't want my friends to look at me like that. It would crush me. But it was a chance I had to take. I got up and walked out of the bush...

Rubbing my eyes I leaned back from my PC and looked down at what I'd written. Things got worse before they got better. But it's the battle I have to fight. There's no way around it. There's no way to put it on a shelf...

I fight the last fight now and then I will close the book and permit myself to live....