Zora Abebe = Presidential hopeful
Skar = Pons' clone and Vice Presidential hopeful (with Zora)
Pons Maninoff = keeping Skar on a short leash
MauMau= Zora's campaign manager
AB (Abracada Brah) = Zora's Dirty Tricks Coordinator
LorDee (Loralie DeSilva) = Presidential hopefulj
Ned Nuckledd = Vice Presidential hopeful (with LorDee)
GED: = Ned's clone
Betty: = LorDee's campaign manager
AA (Abecedari Ann) = LorDee's Third Party Poet Laureate
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Previously, Zora Abebe and Loralie DeSilva had combined their campaign and placed LorDee in place as the candidate. Zora will, when their party is elected, become the Supreme Court.
MauMau, one of the campaign managers, was hospitalized briefly and has returned. Ned is seeing Betty Biggins, another campaign manager.
The scene opens in the converted restaurant, now campaign headquarters with the principals LorDee, Zora, Ned, and Skar at the center, and all campaign staff milling around or on telephones.
LorDee : (to Betty) When can I expect to announce my entry into the Presidential Race?
Betty: We will need to form a Political Action Committee, or PAC, to grow support and then petition the Federal Elections Commission, or FEC, for recognition as a political party. Then we will need to fulfill other requirements, which include operating in several states, getting volunteers signed up around the country, and a number of other party activities.
We have to be recognized in multiple states. For example, both the Democratic Party and the Republican Party are recognized in all 50 states and Washington, D.C. These two parties account for about one hundred of the two-hundred-some total state-level parties. Three minor parties are recognized in more than 10 states. In addition, some states distinguish between major parties and minor parties. We will be considered a minor party, so we cannot participate in primaries, just the general election.
LorDee : Tell me, is there something in that long and boring explanation that tells me when I can expect to announce my entry into the Presidential Race?
Betty: It will depend on whether I will be working alone, with MauMau, or if we are expecting more help.
LorDee : Must I make all of these low level decisions, Betty, or can you chip in a bit?
Betty: No, I mean -- yes, Your Majesty.
LorDee : Very well then. Scurry off and do your job. Let me know when I am President.
Betty steps off as Zora appears with MauMau.
Zora : (sidling up to LorDee) So, is Betty busy getting us on the ballot?
LorDee : I'm not sure she is able to do it all by herself. Perhaps MauMau can help her fill the 'pack' and get it to the 'effing C'.
Zora : Certainly, although I think he may have sprained a few brain cells after his experience in the restroom.
LorDee : It's probably just as well, I think Betty needs to work with someone lower on the smart chart.
Zora : Well, MauMau does not have an intimidating IQ, but in every other way he is quite scary.
Right on cue.
MauMau: On the clock, Miss Abebe.
LorDee : You will be working with Betty from now on, MauMau.
Zora : She will need your invaluable insight and expertise to get our campaign to a level that will squash the other parties' candidates.
MauMau: I will literally squash them.
LorDee : No, MauMau. We will require them squashed figuratively.
MauMau: Disfigured?!
LorDee : Well, it is probably better that Biggins and you work out your roles.
Zora : See if you can break up that fledgling romance as well. We cannot have the next Vice President becoming a vice poster boy as well.
LorDee : That was so clever.
Zora : Right? Who writes this stuff?
GED steps up as MauMau leaves.
GED: Hello. I trust that the two of you are now able to discern whether I am Ned or myself.
LorDee : When you make it that easy.
Zora : Why don't we run you as VP instead of Ned?
GED: Several reasons come to mind, but the top fifty are --
Pons : (interrupting) Has anyone seen Ned?
GED: How common! You just barge in! I was about to begin an oral dissertation.
LorDee : Message received General Dude.(She steps away.)
Zora : I will trade that information for the whereabouts of Oscar Kilo.
Pons : He and Betty Biggins are researching PAC requirements.
GED: I imagine Ned is providing moral support.
Pons : What is that supposed to mean?
GED: To be brutally honest, I doubt that Ned can spell PAC.
Pons : Any more crap from you about Ned will lead to tooth-losing time in Tennessee.
GED: We are not in Tennessee.
Pons : Your teeth will be.
Elsewhere.
Ned : (speaking to Betty) Acourse I kissed a gal. Her name weres Clameil Heshe. She said she worked fer the circus.
Betty: You are kidding, of course.
AA : (listening in) I feel a poem coming on.
Ned : She had come on inta town ta git some material ta stick tagetter a new dress.
Betty: Why would you kiss her?
AA : (to herself) Why would he kiss you, Circus Girl.
Ned : She aksed where the hobby store and the barber shop was.
Betty: Why the barber?
Ned : I guess her beard needed thinning' out.
Betty: Oh, Ned. You are a corker.
AA:
Why would he kiss you, Circus Girl,
with a bearded face and skin of pearl?
A tattered dress and two-bits to spend,
just a Circus Girl without a friend.
The Why is crystal clear when told,
he was Ned with a heart of gold;
with the warmest smile and the purest soul,
to make a half and half girl whole.
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Author Notes
Image from Google
Info from ballotpedia.org
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