FanStory.com - ADHD Procrastinator by Debi Pick Marquette

This story is about a problem I used to have with procrastination, and at times it can still come back to haunt me a little. However, nothing like it did before therapy helped me through it. Now it usually only follows a time what we classify as, "when it rains, it pours!" It may come when dealing with higher than typical stress situations, such as being sick, recent death, upcoming surgeries, and lupus flares that have all been a big factor lately. As much as they aren't avoidable, chores are. I even put off until the eleventh hour the decision of whether to write this story.

But too much to think about makes me feel like I have the heebie-jeebies. Suddenly I remembered I wanted extra poems and prose written before surgery. So I start avoiding more things I should be doing. It gets overwhelming to think about what is not getting done.

Then the stress level gets to be too much....I stop making sense, and I start to lose my grip on reality. Oh, how I wish I had the time.... I wish I could find the time.....or maybe I will get around to it....... or just find a day when I'm not putting off something else..... While I'm waiting around not to do something, I also have other issues to avoid. My decision making ability is on hold because I just can't make up my mind.

There's also a factor that I have adult ADHD. So while I am working hard and not accomplishing anything, I am also finding 100 other things not to do. It is very nerve-racking when something new pops into your head, and what you are already barely doing is holding little attention, you stop, and before you know it, you start and stop doing something else!

By now, you are not only not getting anything done, but you find yourself going backward. You want to get back on track (and speaking of tracks) You feel like an old steam engine train that stopped on its tracks to let a cow cross and is slowly going in reverse. Your ADHD has you jumping boxcars one after another, and your life is entirely out of control! You're trying desperately to figure out how it got to this point.

This brings me to another little gem I sometimes have to deal with, something that can yuck up my day completely. I will avoid anything negative or unpleasant. So on my way to not doing any given chore, I will run away. For instance, if the checkbook is overdrawn? Well, that's easy, avoid it...... yes, it's part of what I do best; run away. If I don't face it, it isn't really happening.

The same scenario works for doctor appointments and getting out of going to engagements you dread. And since we've already established the procrastination thing, you most likely won't have the time to call and cancel. By the time you fast-forward your reversed train or slow down your running mode, you probably weren't missed because they didn't expect you to make it in the first place....... They know you!!

So I'm in the background giving myself a peptalk and telling myself it's OK, not a problem.

Did I forget to mention that I also talk to myself?

I am trying to get a word in edgewise to form a whole sentence without interrupting myself to start another. Then sometimes when I answer, I have to repeat myself when I find I've not been listening.

OK, yes, I am pulling your leg as far as the farfetched parts.. Who could ever survive such chaos and confusion to such an extreme?

So let me set your mind at ease and tell you that I am not quite as crazy as this seems. But a little crazy, yes, and my grandkids will be the first to say they love having a crazy grandma and they actually brag about it. I hope there is a little crazy in you too.

Gosh it feels so good to admit it aloud!

Yes, I do struggle with some of these, actually most of these, but not quite as severe as this. Lol!

I needed to laugh at myself a little today. So thank you for laughing along with me.

Now where did I put my obsessive disorder medication?