The time between when I left my husband and our court apperance, was a little over a year. During that time, I lived in a nearly new pop-up camper we owned. He allotted me five hundred a month. His yearly take home jumped to over one hundred fifty thousand by then. He wanted me to come back.
I had started drinking with him when he came home at night. I felt like I was headed for a grave if I stayed with him.
By then the kids were older. The oldest at eighteen, was barely home. His son, whom I loved dearly was dead from AIDS. The third was a wild child rebel. She and I were the scapegoat. The next to the youngest who was previously glued to me, was now very angry with me and became daddy's girl. The baby was old enough now to be ok. I tried to teach them to be able to see reality some. That is how I learned; you can't teach common sense.
I was able to visit Germany during those years. It was glorious. It made up for not having a honeymoon. We were married in my sister's house on Valentine's Day and spent our wedding night in a nice hotel. That was our honeymoon. It was a miracle we got to go on that trip. Eight years later we were in divorce court on Valentine's Day.
I was blessed to visit Germany again shortly after, when my baby was stationed there in the Army. He was getting married, and they sent me a plane ticket to be at the wedding.
I had the pop-up camper parked on ten acres of wooded land owned by a friend and her husband. There was an old trailer in need of major repair on it also. They were going to let me fix it up and live in it, but I chickened out before winter set in. It is a good thing I didn't. stay there. They were older and both died close together not long after I left the acreage. He from a heart attack and she from cancer.
I had joined AA by then. I had belonged to al-anon while with my husband, but it didn't take long to figure out I was on the wrong side of the fence. By the time I found the right side I was so sick, all I could retain of the Serenity prayer was the first line. Not because of my drinking history, I was an amateur still in that department. It was my mental and emotional state. I love AA. It not only saved my life, but it also got me back with my God.
Over the years I had studied, trying to find answers. One book, Psycophybernetics, explained the way our brain works. AA gave me the tools to use what I had learned but couldn't yet apply. Through those ten steps I was able to retrain my mind.
In one of those meetings a man who was quite drunk sat next to me at a table. I have always been for the underdog, perhaps because I was one myself. We hooked up for the next several years. We didn't live together but were a weird kind of team all the same. He was from a well-set family. His mother was still alive. He was divorced and lived with his mom. He had lived in New York and worked in advertising, so he had his own money. He was hard-core alcoholic. A good man really with a soft heart.
Three of my grandsons visited me there in the woods. It was a young boy's paradise. We had some grand adventures together. I even had a huge net behind the trailer they could climb on. Two of the boys were brothers, My youngest daughter's son's. The oldest belonged to my oldest daughter. He had a rough childhood and often stayed with me for longer periods of time.
Continued-
Author Notes
Thank you, Teisha for your art.
AA is a program where alcoholics share their experiences. strength and hope with each other to relate and support each other. There are simple guidelines to assist and help point the way to sobriety.
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