I saved up my cash for a few years just to take a trip out of the
country somewhere, anywhere I've never been before. I decided
to take two weeks off and go check out the outer regions of Europe.
I had a brochure for a giant chateau in Wildewich, France. It had
beautiful landscapes and scenery along with many forested hiking
paths. So that’s where I decided to vacation.
My girlfriend had recently left me, so, it looked like it was just me
and my pet frog, Ferdinand, heading to France.
My room was immaculate and everyone there was so friendly. I met
numerous townsfolk during my two-week stay. I ate some of the
choicest French cuisine available. I hiked the hillsides nearly every
day with Ferdinand hanging halfway out of my pocket the whole time.
I made sure we enjoyed each and every beautiful sunrise and sunset.
On my last day there, I went off the beaten path while hiking. We came
upon a clearing in the forest and found a small, rundown cottage. I
just had to know who lived there, so I knocked on the door. There was
no answer but the door was slightly ajar. I called out, “Hello? Is anyone
home?” and softly pushed the door open. Still, no one answered.
The place was dark and eerie inside. The only light was from the fire
beneath the huge cauldron of smoking, bubbling liquid.
When I turned to leave is when the raggedy, old woman walked through
the open door. “How dare you enter my home uninvited!” It seemed her
wrinkled skin had a greenish hue to it and she wore an oversized, pointy
The townsfolk had warned me of the Wildewich woods witch that I simply blew
off as myth. Clearly I was wrong. I bolted around her, racing into the forest.
Behind us, I heard her yell, “I’ll get you, pretty boy...and your little frog too!”
I tripped on a broken tree limb and Ferdinand fell out of my pocket. She was
on us remarkedly fast for a feeble old woman. She waved her wand to zap me.
I dove out of the way but her spell hit my loyal companion instead. Instantly,
my pet frog grew to the size of a mountain. She wound up for another zap of
her wand but Ferdinand’s massive tongue flung out and snapped her up like
a fly and swallowed her whole.
I hurried back to the chateau and checked out. When I came outside, I looked
up and yelled, “Ferdinand, get down off there! Bad amphibian!”
Later, at the airport, they told me they couldn't accommodate my giant support
frog. I went to the nearest leather shop and bought the biggest saddle they
had and a set of extra-long reins, then just hopped my frog clear back home.
My credit card company is still fighting the four-million-dollar damage charge
from the chateau. Their defense...my fifty-dollar receipt for the pet deposit.