Dear God by Violet WolfChild Dear God contest entry Artwork by VMarguarite at FanArtReview.com |
Dear God,
Sorry, it's been so long since my last letter. I've had a lot on my mind and was unsure where to start. This first part is personal and something I've been struggling with for many years. I'm concerned about the walls I placed around my heart. I wish to understand why I have been so afraid of love and why I avoid relationships, not just romantic ones but friendship ones as well. Whenever someone tries to get close, I pull away and keep them at a distance. I crave genuine connection, deep conversations, and human interaction. But, whenever someone tries to get close, whenever I feel myself starting to feel I withdraw or they seem to disappear. I feel like you recently provided me with some insight through my dreams of lost loved ones, and I want to thank you. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to spend time with the two people my heart yearns for the most. I feel like it's brought a lot to the surface. It helped me see places that need to heal. To hold that sweet little boy and laugh with my best friend again was the most healing sensation of my life. Not holding my nephew longer the night he passed has become one of my biggest regrets over the past 16yrs. He'd be 18 next week on June 22nd, and I feel like that dream has finally allowed me to let go of the pain, the regret, and the fear of allowing children close. It helped me remember there was a time when I wanted children of my own. And I am so grateful because there are so many beautiful new babies in my life now, and I want to be more open to them. I feel like I'm finally ready to live again. But I need your help to push through the fear and lingering pain. Please help me let down my walls and let love in again. That brings me to the next portion of this letter. Something isn't right here on Earth. Darkness is spreading throughout the land, and it appears to grow stronger by the day. It's like we're living in the "Zombie" apocalypse, but the population has become so numb they don't even realize it is here. We're disconnected and divided. I see people walking around daily in a haze, their eyes hollow and vacant. Faces glued to screens, swallowed up by technology, void of real connections. We've become blind to what is happening in front of us. Jaded and numb, we shuffle through life. Every day seems to bring about a new tragedy like the school shooting in Texas. But things like this seem to happen in my home town every day. Like the darkness has become comfortable, normal. The fire alarm has been blaring daily. Sometimes multiple times a day. Homes disappear in the blink of an eye. My childhood home was among them last month. A couple of weeks ago, there was a stabbing and a shooting on Mainstreet. They were happening almost nightly, one block away from my home. It makes me nervous to walk the streets, which is sad because walking is one of my favorite thing to do. Our suicide rates keep climbing and climbing. I tense every time I hear the train whistle or see one trapped on the tracks. Last year we lost at least five lives in train accidents. We've had two in the last week. The darkness here is cold, powerful, and empty, and it's been here for years. How can we heal what has been broken? Where do we begin to make lasting change? I want to get involved, be part of the solution, part of the change, but I'm not sure where to start beyond healing my own heart. Please help us. I fear we cannot overcome this on our own. Sincerely V. WolfChild
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