FanStory.com - Jarjar Mohammed Lucasby SimianSavant

Aisha was in a serious funk. Her husband wouldn't touch her after hearing about one of the recent Fanstory entries.

Aisha: What's wrong? Do you think I'm too old?

Husband: I was visited by a spirit from the future, where I was taking some heat for our marriage. I think we should hold off another year. I've been having conpunctions.

Aisha: Seriously? What good have dreams ever done us? You're getting older, dear husband. I saw in a dream that a wizard named Walt constructed a theme park when he was a year younger than you. I want a princess castle.

Husband: Do not speak such blasphemy, Aisha. But have hope. We will conquer many theme parks in the future.

Aisha: But it's been TWO YEARS Mohammed! How long must I wait to have kids?? Til I'm nine? Ten?

Husband (Mohammed): 9 and 11 sound like the bomb to me, but we need to think about our reputation in the future.

***

[Luke, Leia, Han, Darth Vader (DarthDaddy) and Darth Martin Luther King Jr. (DaddyDarth) are watching this conversation from the ethernets]

Luke: Wow, are you all hearing this? DarthDaddy, this time machine was a great idea. But we have a serious problem. How are we ever going to be born? If we don't fix this, we can't go back to the future.

Leia: Yeah and where's Mom? I was just reading the holy Quran and Aisha doesn't have any kids. Wasn't our mom Natalie Portman?

Darth Vader: Yes, that's right. I was supposed to be your dad, and they didn't show it on screen but the droids mixed up the embryos when they were turning me into Darth Vader. It was probably my fault for smashing them all when I found out your mother was dead. It was a bad time. It took ages before me, Martin and Freddy were able to find and adopt you kids. But now that's in jeopardy.

Luke: What happened?

Darth Vader: George Lucas made a serious mistake. He tried to introduce JarJar Binks back in Episode IV. No one could understand what JarJar was saying, but the screenplay was leaked right as they started filming.

Darth MLK: What happened next!?

Darth Vader: Well a rich Saudi bought the screenplay, thought JarJar was talking blasphemy, and his cleric issued a Fatwa. He sent a suicide bomber to the set to take out JarJar. Well, JarJar and George Lucas were hanging out and the bomber saw JarJar walk into Lucas' trailer. He dressed up as a droid, slipped past security by telling them he was a translator for JarJar, and BOOM. No more George Lucas. Well he missed JarJar, who just suffered brain damage. Shame is, he used to be a genius. JarJar actually wrote Star Wars.

Han: I've got an idea.

***

[Leia and Luke travel to 1989, to Natalie Portman's house, kidnapping her. They swap her out for Aisha.]

Luke: Mom's acting and makeup is so bad in Episode I, no one's going to even know the difference. [They both snicker]

Leia: YASSSSSS

***

[back in Mohammed's tent]

Mohammed: Aisha, you look very nice this evening.

Natalie Portman: What? Who are you?

Leia (watching with the others from the ether): Quick you guys, we need to drug her! Time freeze!

[Darth Martin holds up his glove, freezes time, puts Natalie in a trance]

Luke: Mom's never going to survive this.

Darth Vader: Now who's going to invent Star Wars? We have to exist to adopt your embryos.

Darth Martin: What if we appear to Mohammed as spirits and have him tell everyone about it?

[everyone high-fives]