Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of violence.
Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of language.
"The Destruction of Me?"
Written on January 13th, 2022
By Doctor Ricky 1024
Copyright ©� Fanstory
'All Rights Reserved'
How do you talk about something that not only happened over 15 years ago?
That was so incredibly horrible?
How do you go into detail?
Of a period in your life?
When you literally tried to take your very own life?
...
Warning!
Graphic!
...
It all started on December 1st, 2006.
A day that will go down in infamy.
I knew this was my dead wife's month and I know her birthday is on the 6th and I also know she would have been 54 years old.
Yes if she hadn't committed suicide.
...
Warning!!
Graphic!!
...
I remember it was lightly raining.
So, the temperatures must have been mild.
More mild than they should have been.
But then again maybe this day should not have been?
It's funny what happens to you when you lose your mind?
When you go to sleep?
And, wake up in the morning?
And, curse the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ
Yes, that you're still alive!
...
Warning!!!
Graphic!!!
...
Note: I had been contemplating suicide for months even testing out myself.
A favorite place to die is the 6th floor of the Trump plaza Hotel Casino in Atlantic City.
So I actually drove there went up to the 6th floor in the parking garage and look down!
'Damn when you land it's going to hurt!'
I thought.
And, I also thought there must be a less painful Way?
Yes, to eradicate you're worthless self!
...
Warning!!!!
Graphic!!!!
...
For about 2 months
I was sleeping with a butcher knife.
And, I called her my girlfriend.
She brought comfort to me?
Even though she never spoke to me?
I remember two separate times placing the blade firmly on my chest.
'Damn that's going to hurt when I shove it in!'
I thought.
Yes there must be a better way to do yourself in?
...
Warning!!!!!
Graphic!!!!!
...
So, on December 1st 2006.
Sometime early in the morning.
I decided to release my dog.
My Pomeranian I called "Puffer"
God sent him to me during the summer months when it was very hot and he was very thirsty.
I tried very unsuccessful to find his owner.
...
'Puffer?'
'You go outside now and find yourself a better place to live.'
'And, this is no longer a fit place for you to be.'
...
After I close the door I went right immediately into the kitchen.
I wasn't thinking but I in a way was on a mission?
I picked up a 7-in serrated steak knife from the drawer.
Without hesitation I pointed it to the left side of my nipple and shoved it all the way in.
...
I didn't feel a thing but I watch my Guinea white T-shirt turn the color of Crimson Red!
That was one I noticed that I wasn't going to be dying anytime soon.
So what do you do?
So, you again shove it in a second time!
Yes that's it Ricky and even harder!
Yes, to the other side of the nipple.
(Figuring the heart has to be there?)
...
You then retreat to your bedroom or 20 minutes and wait to die.
This way you can be with your son above?
...
Warning!!!!!!
Graphic!!!!!!
...
It's funny how well the human body will clot when it's needed to do so?
So I decided to go back out into the living room and retrieve my weapon.
And, this Time?
I figure I'll just slash the left side of my neck hoping to hit the juggler!
Not once nor twice but thrice!
As deep as I could!
If only I should?
If only I would?
...
Now there was a torrent of not only blood but also flesh coming out of the side of my neck!
What the heck I'll go back into my bedroom and wait to die!
After all I'll be able to be with my son above?
...
Now 40 minutes into this horrible suicide dance.
She was egging me on!
To go and finish it and get it done right?
After all I have a date tonight?
...
Warning!!!!!!!
Graphic!!!!!!!
...
So, of course the music is still playing; the needle skipping; on the cracked record but I'm still breathing!
Geez Louise what do they normally do to kill themselves?
Take pills that's the coward's way but do it!
So I retrieve my bottle of Depakote which is used for seizures and also depression
And yes!
I swallowed each and every one that was left in the container!
...
Warning!!!!!!!!
Graphic!!!!!!!!
...
This was about the time the phone rang!
And it was my soon-to-be ex-girlfriend Nancy Esposito.
We fell out of love and it was over.
No more would we find in the fields of clover a four-leaf.
She told me that she didn't like my tone of voice last night.
She told me that she didn't like my tone of voice when we broke up.
...
She then stated that she was coming over to my house?
But you see that will not do because she has heart issues and other medical problems and if she seen the way I decorated the cake?
For goodness sake!
...
So, I had no choice but to call 9-11 to report this dirty deed!
Within about 3 minutes.
A Stafford Township police officer arrived at the scene.
144 Riptide Avenue Manahawkin, New Jersey.
...
'Who did this to you?'
He Asked.
I replied.
'I did.'
At that point he kicked the bloody knife away.
He then Called backup.
The few minutes another officer arrived but this was K9.
They searched in my attic and they searched under my house with the dog to no avail?
...
A white van pulled up that said Ocean County Violent Crimes.
As they were taping off my house as a crime scene.
Two paramedics showed up.
...
Warning!!!!!!!!!
Graphic!!!!!!!!!
...
The one paramedic asked me who had done this to me?
Again I replied
'I did it.'
The other man asked me if I could stand?
I replied.
'I think so?'
As soon as I stood up my blood pressure which was being controlled had rose.
As a result?
Yes, the second and more deeper wound?
...
Yes, which at this point?
Yes, was causing the internal bleeding?
Yes, because I hit the heart valve!
Of course let loose a stream of blood across the room.
And, hit the man right in the face!
...
Warning!!!!!!!!!!
Graphic!!!!!!!!!!
...
They asked me if I could stand?
(Which I was able to of course)
And, walk to my front door.
Where a gurney was waiting.
They loaded me in the ambulance and with no siren?
Yes, it was off to see The Wizard!
Bad idea only kidding!
And, off to the Atlantic City Trauma Hospital.
Yes, in Atlantic City, New Jersey.
...
Upon arrival, and as I was being prepped for surgery.
A surgeon had inserted his gloved finger into the second wound.
I guess to check for an obstruction?
Of course this hurt because my mind had returned.
So, I let out a loud sentence of disagreement!
Again, I am offered the same question by the surgeon now!
'Who did this to you sir?'
I calmly and simply replied two words.
'Fuc**** Satan!
The End.
Finally!
Approximate Word Count:1253.
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Author Notes
Special thanks goes out first, as always, to Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ.
Fanstory and Tom the Administrator.
Fan Art Review, this Talented Artist and Amazing Writer, 'Dr Ricky 1024'
And, his Incredible Picture Entitled,
"Stupid Me"
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