CAST:
Pons = croquet whisperer
Ned = croquet novice
Bed = croquet slumberer
Fed = croquet food critic
G.E.D. = croquet Ned clone
Hed = croquet genius
Led = croquet evangelist
Med = croquet partier
Ped = croquet stepper
Zed/Red = croquet possessed corpse
DED = croquet Angel of Death.
Scene continues although we all hope it will be the last.
Pons:
This will be the last strike, Ned. It's a close match. We might win.
Ned:
'Fraid not, Cuz. Yer ball split in two jis now. I ain't so sure ya kin fix er or hit er.
Pons:
(Shouts) We forfeit!
Ned:
What we fittin' inta, Pons? Who're the utter two dudes?
Pons:
Huh?
Ned:
Huh?
Bed:
(Takes a swing and knocks the ball to the point near the final peg) This game is taking forever.
Fed:
Is it lunch time yet?
G.E.D.:
Take the final stroke, Hed. I trust you will place our sphere closest to the pole.
Hed:
If I fail to do so, the world may be ending.
G.E.D.:
Although the world may be ending, I feel strongly that your ball placement would more likely be coincidental rather than causational.
Hed hits the ball which rolls up to and touches Bed and Fed's ball.
Led:
(strikes the ball which races along the ground and taps the two other balls)
Behold his mighty hand!
Med:
Is that a biblical verse, Led?
Led:
It was more in the context of -- Look at me!.
Ped:
(walking in place) I borrowed a garden shovel and extricated our ball.
Ped strikes the ball and sends it directly to tap against the others by the goal stake.
Zed/Red:
Well that's about it. (Looking to DED) Can I ditch this meat sack now?
DED:
You can go after you have gathered the souls of all your departed vermin. Position Zed's remains somewhere where he will be found with some modicum of respect.
Zed/Red:
(Scoffs) I was thinking about parking him, pants-down, in the port-a-john. How's that?
DED:
Give it some more thought. As Ye sow, so shall Ye reap.
Zed/Red:
Wow, you oughta write that down.
Ped:
Hey, Zed. Who are you talking to?
Zed/Red:
My name is D-red, dude. Zed is da-dadada-dead. I was just talking to the Angel of Death.
Ped:
Ah - well - alright. Since the last stroke is coming up, and you seem to be having a psychotic break -- maybe I should take the last strike.
Zed/Red:
Go for it, nut-who-walks-in-place.
Ped:
Good call.
To be continued...
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