Exceptional bad day at the office Chain Mail Bob by SimianSavant 80 Word Flash Fiction contest entry

Warning: The author has noted that this contains the highest level of violence. This is Bob.      O       _|_      |     / \ Bob works on the top floor at  Theranos . Bob has a beautiful wife, an X-Box, two kids, and a two-car garage. He even drives a Tesla. One day Bob is at work. Bob sticks his head out the window  and sniffs the beautiful Palo Alto air.  Then he jumps: \ -\ --\ ---\ |_]_\ __]   |_]    __]     |_] \ \  \ \   \_\       O  _     __|_/    /  |      / \_ ___  |_] __]     _(  )_( )_ |_]    (_   _    _) __]      (_) (__) |_]    __   _ __]  _(  )_( )_ |_] (_   _    _) __]   (_) (__) |_]     __]           |_]     \    / __]      -----O |_]     /    \ __]  |_]      Bob flying  __]  through the clouds |_]        __   _ __]      _(  )_( )_ |_]     (_   _    _) __]       (_) (__) |_]           __]        | | |_]        | | __]       _| |_ |_]       \   / __]        \ /   |_]         ' __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __] |_]  |         a window  |  |  |  |  |  __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __]        | | |_]        | | __]       _| |_ |_]       \   / __]        \ /   |_]         ' __] |_] __] |_] __] |_]  |  |        another window  |  |  |  |  __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __]        | | |_]        | | __]       _| |_ |_]       \   / __]        \ /   |_]         ' __] |_] __] |_]  |  |  |  |  |  |  __] |_| __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __]        | | |_]        | | __]       _| |_ |_]       \   / __]        \ /   |_]         ' __] |_] __] |_] __] |_]  |  |  |  |   |   |   __] |_|  __] |_] __]  '. (v)  .' |_]    '( \.' __]      ``\   |_] __]     bird |_] __] |_] __]        | | |_]        | | __]       _| |_ |_]       \   / __]        \ /   |_]         ' __] |_] __] |_] __] |_]  |  |  |  |  |  |  __] |_| __]       * |_]        * __]         * |_] __]    |_]      birdpoop __] |_] __]        | | |_]        | | __]       _| |_ |_]       \   / __]        \ /   |_]         ' __] |_] __]  |  |  |  |  |  |  __] |_| __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __]        | | |_]        | | __]       _| |_ |_]       \   / __]        \ /   |_]         ' __] |_] __] |_]   \    \     \      \       \   __]   Bob |_|   bounces  __]   off |_]   an __]   open  |_]   window __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __]        | | |_]        | | __]       _| |_ |_]       \   / __]        \ /   |_]         ' __] |_] __] |_] __] |_]  |  |  |  |  |  |  __] |_| __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __] |_] __]        | | |_]        | | __]       _| |_ |_]       \   / __]        \ /   |_]         ' __] |_] __] |_] __] |_]   |  |  |  |  |  |  __]_ __|_] |___] __|_] |___] __|_] |___] __|_] |___] __|_] |___] __|_] |___]_ __|___] |___|_] __|___] |___|_] __ T ___] |___|_] __ H ___] |___|_] __ E ___] |___|_] __ R ___] |___|_] __ A ___] |___|_] __ N ___] |___|_] __ O ___] |___|_] __ S ___] |___|_] __!___]             O |___|_]              $ __!___]  \           $             $             |___|_]    $           $            $           /       $ _|___]     $          $           $           $         |_ $ _|_]      $         $          $          $         __|_ $ _]       $        $         $         $           |___|_]  $$$$$$\  $$$$$$$\  $$\       $$$$$$\$$$$$$$$\  $$  __$$\ $$  __$$\ $$ |     $$  __$$\__$$  __| $$ /  \__|$$ |  $$ |$$ |     $$ /  $$ | $$ |    \$$$$$$\  $$$$$$$  |$$ |     $$$$$$$$ | $$ |     \____$$\ $$  ____/ $$ |     $$  __$$ | $$ | $$\   $$ |$$ |      $$ |     $$ |  $$ | $$ |    \$$$$$$  |$$ |      $$$$$$$$\$$ |  $$ | $$ |     \______/ \__|      \________\__|  \__| \__|                              $           $       $         $         $    $            $        $          $          $ $             $         $           $           $             $          $            $            $           /          $            \                                 '                                                                         And that was the end of Bob. Thank you. Author Notes You might be wondering, wasn't Bob wearing chainmail? But this isn't chainmail Bob. It's chain mail Bob, an adaptation of a chain mail email that was circling around the Internets in the early 90s. I can't seem to find the original story anywhere, so I have extended and adapted it to a modern setting appropriate to the news expected out later today. Anyway I am pretty sure even if Bob was wearing chainmail, it would not have made a big difference. Except maybe a slightly smaller splat. Next time please tell Bob to wear a mask. I did all the ASCII myself, except for the bird. You're welcome. I don't really have any other pieces like this one, but this probably comes the closest.

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