Gambling with God : Gambling with God by samandlancelot Share Your Story contest entry |
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When my husband couldn't find anything he wanted to do, he decided we should go to a casino. I didn't want to go; God certainly wouldn't want me to gamble. After I prayed, God changed my mind, so I went to the casino with my husband, Gary. As new members of the casino, we each received $10 in free play. Gary won $157 with his free play on the first night, and I won a small amount. Neither of us invested our own money to play. The casino sent us $10 in free play every week, so we went every week. I played my $10 and cashed out anything I won. To me, this wasn't gambling; I didn't spend anything. Then March arrived with St. Patrick's Day, with many promotions at the casino, but not the $10 in free play. We would need to gamble with our own money to continue. Gary decided to go to a different casino where we could get new member free plays. He didn't play the gaming machines. I put his card and free play tickets in the machine and played whatever way he wanted me to play, while he watched. Then I put my free plays in and played my way, while he watched. The problem arose when I crossed a safety line Gary had drawn. He stood behind me and tried to convince me to play his safe way. We were no longer in agreement and tension began to build between us. We were at the new casino, and I continued to play with my winnings from the free play. It looked like we were finished, and we started to leave. Gary decided I was having so much fun on this machine, he would put in $10 so I could continue. When that was over, I knew I wasn't ready to stop. I put in $20 and began to play max bet instead of the minimum, which I had the urge to do for a couple of weeks. Gary tried to put the brakes on me, but I continued and was up about $150. As I continued, I felt Gary's fear hover over me. He convinced me to stop when I was down to $100. I felt in my spirit that I wasn't finished, but I agreed to leave because I didn't have a clear enough answer from God that I should stay. Later that night, I understood from God that I still had $80 to play. I convinced Gary to take me to the casino the next day. I didn't know if God would have me win or lose, but I was certain He wanted me to play the $80. I lost the $80 playing max bet. I was frustrated with Gary throwing his negative, fearful vibes onto to me while I played, and I mentioned it to him later, but he couldn't overcome his fear on our next visit to the casino. I decided I was done going to the casino. I knew it wasn't because I lost the $80; I no longer enjoyed playing because of Gary's fears. He was convinced I wanted to stop because I lost. Gary wanted to go to the casino again, and after I prayed, God convinced me to go. I was still $300 ahead of the game with my winnings when we went to our home casino where we first began playing. Gary played what he wanted to play, and then it was my turn. Before we went, I had decided to play $100. The max bet was $3. The moment I began to play, Gary not only voiced his opinion about how quickly I would lose my money playing max bet, but the fear vibes rained down on me and about strangled me. Every play I got more and more angry at what he was doing. When I finished losing my $100, I was furious with Gary. "I told you not to play max bet," he said. "I'm not angry because I lost, I'm ANGRY because of YOU. I can't enjoy this because of your fears. If I ever go to the casino again, you get your own machine. I won't have you stand behind me covering me with your fear vibes. You take away all my fun." It was a productive argument. He likes me to go with him. He likes to watch me play the casino games; he knows I enjoy them. If he couldn't control himself, he would have to go without me or play by himself while we were there. After 44 years, we still like to do things together. He still wanted to go to the casino. I told him I planned to play $100 with max bet. He agreed to fight against his negative vibes and accept the way I wanted to play. We decided to go again last night. I believe everything I have belongs to God. If He wanted me to play at a casino and win or lose His money, that was up to Him. I would do my best to listen and do what I believed He wanted me to do. I inserted $20 at a time. If I doubled my money, I cashed out that $20 and put in another $20. When I used my $100, I thought I wasn't finished. I inserted one of my cashed-out tickets and soon won $1257. Then I made a mistake. Before I won, I knew I was okay if I won or lost. After I won and continued playing, I only wanted to win again. I decided to insert the rest of my tickets (except the big one) and told Gary I could AFFORD to play more. I won some money and lost some, and finally the extra winnings were gone, but I still had my $1257. It seemed good. But something nagged at me. As I worked through the nagging voice, I knew I wanted to win again while I played the money I could afford to lose. And then I understood. How did I know what I could afford if it wasn't my money? God didn't lead me to gamble the smaller winnings. I gambled it because I thought I could afford it. I was okay if I won or lost while I played God's way, but with every spin I played for the wrong reason, I felt myself beg God for another win. That's not what I do. I want God's will, not my own. When I took that wrong turn, I was no longer in God's will, and my flesh took over. God reminded me of something I already knew, but now I understood it at a new level: everything I do with His money is important. I won't buy something or spend money because I believe I can afford it or for any other reason except because I believe it's God's will. Thank you, Lord, for another lesson.
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