The scene opens at the front desk of a major tire dealer. Pons and Ned enter from the left as an employee enters through a door behind the desk.
Dealer: Hello, Gentlemen. Welcome to Flatt's Tires.
Pons: Hi. We need some new tires.
Ned: Ya got new tires, fella?
Dealer: That's all we sell, sir.
Pons: We need some 8-75-15s.
Ned: Them's tires.
Dealer: Yes. Would you like Coolyear, Funstones, or foreign crap?
Pons: What's the cheapest?
Ned: Sure ya ain't got no used tires?
Dealer: Quite sure. The cheapest are the Kuku from Tanzania.
Pons: Road hazard?
Dealer: Your life will be in constant peril.
Pons: How much for Coolyears?
Ned: Got any used Coolyears?
Dealer: Four hundred out the door with tax, licence, balancing, and hazard insurance.
Pons: How about half that price?
Dealer: Sure. How about two tires?
Ned: Ya got sompin better'n Kuku but cheaper'n Coolyears?
Dealer: We have Funstones on sale for eighty bucks.
Pons: Wow! Why are they so affordable?
Ned: They made in Tarzanasia?
Dealer: Mexico.
Pons: You have four here?
Dealer: No, but I can sell you two Kukus and two Funstones for a ridiculous price.
Pons: Anything I should know about them besides what you've said?
Dealer: They're bias ply.
Pons: You're kidding! I thought only radials were made now?
Ned: Holy cow! I bet they ain't even rubber.
Dealer: They're not. No one makes rubber tires for cars.
Pons: I need something affordable and safe. Can you help me?
Ned: Maybe we can git one at a time, Pons.
Dealer: Perhaps taking the bus would be more in your price range?
Pons: That a joke?
Ned: Yeah, man. Them bus rides are spensif.
To be continued...
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