"Hello everybody...My name is...ooups...never mind.
I am a pre-teen. Mom got bent all out of shape...
When she caught me smoking."

"She said you listen to me, little girl...and I'm not joking."

"One day two grown-up girls were waiting for the bus at the bus stop.
One of them flicked her bic, and lit up her cigarette."

"The other girl said...Oh please. People smoking make me wheeze.
The other girl was ever so impolite and inconsiderate ."

"Kiss my ash." She replied with a silly smirk. At that she blew a puff of smoke,
In the other girl's face."

"Of course the girl went...Cough Cough Sneeze Sneeze Wheeze Wheeze.
And the impolite hussy went...Laugh Laugh Ha Ha Hee Hee Kee Kee ."

"Finally the bus arrived. They both climbed aboard...and got off at the same stop.
They entered the same building. The impolite smoker was going in for a job interview."

"When she arrived at the employment office there was no one there...so she took a seat.
She hadn't waited very long before her interviewer entered the room from a side door."

"OH!! WOW!! She thought. That's the girl from the bus stop. I hope she don't recognize me.
The interviewer looked at her with a sarcastic grin...and said..."

"Hmmm...You look like you just saw a ghost.
What can I do you for?"

"Well...I..errr...eh...Do you have any jobs available today?"

"We had only one job available today. That's a job kissing ashes.
But that job has been offered to me. Sorry 'bout that. How 'bout you?"

"Well...I...eh... Yeah me too. But I'm..."
"Save it, dearie. We're accepting no comments from the peanut gallery."

"However...if we by chance come across any other jobs kissing ashes...
Trust me, shady lady, you will be the first one that I'll call."

"I know. I know. You're probably saying to yourself.
This poem is a bit too graphic for a pre-teen."

"But...So is smoking...says Mom."

"Between Dad and the heat from his ping-pong paddle...
I could light cigarettes with my bottom."

"With the the proper persuasion from, Daddy, I quit."