| Letters and Diary Fiction posted May 28, 2020 | Chapters: |
...42 43 -44- 45... 
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Day 43
A chapter in the book The Corona saga
Mr. Phil, pay the bill
by Iza Deleanu
The author has placed a warning on this post for language.| Background I decided to document how this virus is affecting my sanity. So feel free to join me in this experience, I hope the reading will become funnier, then what I posted so far. Thank you for reading. |
April 28, 2020
Day 43
One positive thing that I was seeing coming out from this Coronella business was putting aside some money for Black Days, not Black Fridays. My idea backfired, because I don't spend money on transportation, clothing, restaurants, movies, concerts, trips and ballet, but my account has not improved on the side of liquidities. Can you believe it, that I have not paid my debt off... but increased it!
Coronella is a smart Lady, she said: "YOU sucker, you can't travel anymore, so I am coming to see you! Hey, don't give me that face, I am coming bearing gifts: chaos, lay-offs, debt, shortage of food, shortage of cleaning products, guns, panic, and on top of everything else, I am keeping a fresh and continuous winter. I like it cold! If you run out of toilet paper, you can't run outside to use leaves for that dirty business, like they do it in the hot countries."
My dear friend, do you know why I am spending more than before? Well the food prices went up and you are fighting for some of them with your fellow hunters. I witness, how a woman tried to hunt on the spot, aka steal a toilet paper bag from a guy's shopping cart that turned to pick up something from the upper shelf. What was the reaction of the other hunters? Mostly laughed and said that you need to keep your cargo in front of your eyes the whole time. You know what is the funniest part? Nobody gives a shit about the expiration dates anymore. Food is food, expired or not.
Coronella doesn't touch spoiled humans, she goes only to the clean ones. So yeah, expired food helps you fight Coronella. Add this to your list of remedies against Coronella. What do we have so far:
- Drink bleach... it helps, if you have to go, then you go clean.
- Wear a mask Zorro style... so your neighbour can't blame when you pass along some Coronella from him. Incognito is better. We live in Canada, so your identity is protected, mother f---er!
- China is not the enemy... We gave them the "virus" and they gave us defected PPE for which we paid an arm and leg. I will open a parenthesis here, I ordered some essentials on Amazon at the beginning of March. It's almost the end of April and nothing so far. I am just thinking maybe they will arrive just in time for the second wave?
- Get high, yup sure, but its expensive. This is one of the essential businesses that are flourishing now.
- Get Drunk! O.K., and the next day you are having a pity party with yourself: " Hey, fellas drinking is baaaaaaaaaaaad, we've ruined our working suit, the fluffy PJ."
- Has any one tried Vodoo? Does it work?
- So far, I think the Holy Water really works. I am drinking a little bit every morning, and I am good, praise the Lord.
Let's get back to Phil who pays the bill. Since Coronella, Phil zombed out. All he says is "Bills, bills, I want bills!" Don't trust that deferred candy, you will pay triple when you go back in business.
Even if we survive Coronella, there will be lots of suicide attempts, because people are already breaking bad from binge spending on cleaning and protective materials. And if you are handy like me, you know what I am talking about. Every where you go your only question is: "How much? Ok I will take 4 of each."
My poor Phil gained lots of weight and lost lots of hair. Whenever I am showing up in my unisex PJ and do the kitty face: the only thing he says is: "How much?" Even in his sleep he mumbles: "What? How much? Nooooooooooo, oh, O.K, if it's for the kitties, fine."
So yeah, Phill, pay the Bill and we'll deal with Coronella's deficit later, or we call it quits and declare:" FALIMENT... How much? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Day 43
One positive thing that I was seeing coming out from this Coronella business was putting aside some money for Black Days, not Black Fridays. My idea backfired, because I don't spend money on transportation, clothing, restaurants, movies, concerts, trips and ballet, but my account has not improved on the side of liquidities. Can you believe it, that I have not paid my debt off... but increased it!
Coronella is a smart Lady, she said: "YOU sucker, you can't travel anymore, so I am coming to see you! Hey, don't give me that face, I am coming bearing gifts: chaos, lay-offs, debt, shortage of food, shortage of cleaning products, guns, panic, and on top of everything else, I am keeping a fresh and continuous winter. I like it cold! If you run out of toilet paper, you can't run outside to use leaves for that dirty business, like they do it in the hot countries."
My dear friend, do you know why I am spending more than before? Well the food prices went up and you are fighting for some of them with your fellow hunters. I witness, how a woman tried to hunt on the spot, aka steal a toilet paper bag from a guy's shopping cart that turned to pick up something from the upper shelf. What was the reaction of the other hunters? Mostly laughed and said that you need to keep your cargo in front of your eyes the whole time. You know what is the funniest part? Nobody gives a shit about the expiration dates anymore. Food is food, expired or not.
Coronella doesn't touch spoiled humans, she goes only to the clean ones. So yeah, expired food helps you fight Coronella. Add this to your list of remedies against Coronella. What do we have so far:
- Drink bleach... it helps, if you have to go, then you go clean.
- Wear a mask Zorro style... so your neighbour can't blame when you pass along some Coronella from him. Incognito is better. We live in Canada, so your identity is protected, mother f---er!
- China is not the enemy... We gave them the "virus" and they gave us defected PPE for which we paid an arm and leg. I will open a parenthesis here, I ordered some essentials on Amazon at the beginning of March. It's almost the end of April and nothing so far. I am just thinking maybe they will arrive just in time for the second wave?
- Get high, yup sure, but its expensive. This is one of the essential businesses that are flourishing now.
- Get Drunk! O.K., and the next day you are having a pity party with yourself: " Hey, fellas drinking is baaaaaaaaaaaad, we've ruined our working suit, the fluffy PJ."
- Has any one tried Vodoo? Does it work?
- So far, I think the Holy Water really works. I am drinking a little bit every morning, and I am good, praise the Lord.
Let's get back to Phil who pays the bill. Since Coronella, Phil zombed out. All he says is "Bills, bills, I want bills!" Don't trust that deferred candy, you will pay triple when you go back in business.
Even if we survive Coronella, there will be lots of suicide attempts, because people are already breaking bad from binge spending on cleaning and protective materials. And if you are handy like me, you know what I am talking about. Every where you go your only question is: "How much? Ok I will take 4 of each."
My poor Phil gained lots of weight and lost lots of hair. Whenever I am showing up in my unisex PJ and do the kitty face: the only thing he says is: "How much?" Even in his sleep he mumbles: "What? How much? Nooooooooooo, oh, O.K, if it's for the kitties, fine."
So yeah, Phill, pay the Bill and we'll deal with Coronella's deficit later, or we call it quits and declare:" FALIMENT... How much? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
I am using Coronella instead of Corona, I think is sound funnier:)
For my readers and reviewers, please forgive me for my bad English, since is my third language, I am using this cheap excuse to ask for your help in correcting the grammar and the other mistakes. The picture is from Pintrest. I used the term zombed out = to look like a zombie. I have no idea how is correct in English, sorry:(
Pays
one point
and 2 member cents. For my readers and reviewers, please forgive me for my bad English, since is my third language, I am using this cheap excuse to ask for your help in correcting the grammar and the other mistakes. The picture is from Pintrest. I used the term zombed out = to look like a zombie. I have no idea how is correct in English, sorry:(
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