For you my love, from me. 9/6/2019

Heather Marie, you were the love of my life and I shared that with you on so many occasions.

I saw you first at my favorite Waffle House in Orange Park. I went there most mornings for breakfast. Reading my paper, drinking coffee and waiting on my food. You blew in the door with two other girls, sat down and all of you were talking loud and fast, like there were no rules for y'all. I was intrigued and stared a little too much I'm afraid. When they called out your order to the cook, it was the same as mine, a coincidence I thought at that time. On and off, each of you went out to smoke in the parking lot and came back in, eating and jabbering. I had to leave for work, so I paid and left, but getting in my car I looked thru the window, caught your eye and smiled, but you just stared.

I didn't make it back for two more days, but you were absent, and I was sad, not sure why, but I was. It was the following day before I saw you again, and you were leaving when I pulled up in front. I caught your eye again and waved thru my windshield and smiled my best nice guy smile.

Nothing.

The next morning you were there, sitting by yourself, sideways in the booth, staring at your phone; you did a lot of that...

I came through the door and headed to your table and said "Hi, May I join you for breakfast?" You looked up and said, "What are you after?" and I said, "Great company and good food".

I saw your first smile at that moment, and it was as big as Texas. I sat and ordered breakfast for both of us. We chatted over coffee while the food was cooking. One of the cooks hollered, "Heather, do you want extra cheese? "and you said, "you know I do".

And so, it started. My journey with you, a beautiful, amazing woman that would both change my life and save my life, but who knew that at the time. It moved from texts to phone conversations, to meeting a lot to eat, share coffee and large glasses of sweet tea. Heather loved Golden Corral almost as much as sunshine, and we went there quite often, but the Waffle House was a sort of home and haven to us now, as we explored each other's lives, albeit superficially.

The superficial ended several days later when my phone rang at 6:30 in the morning and her name popped up. I said, "Hello," and I could hear a catch in her voice as she said, "I need your help." I asked. She said they were going to turn the water off if she couldn't pay them in the next 30 minutes before they left. I asked how much, and she told me, and I said, "I'll be there in 15 minutes," and I was.

The picture of her that morning is my second greatest memory of her. She was standing in her front yard in a falling light rain, wrapped in a blanket with wet hair looking completely forlorn. I pulled up, got out and handed her an envelope with the money for the water bill. The water fellow walked over, and I asked him to give you a receipt, please. He nodded yes, and I smiled and left to go to work. You waved. That was the first wave I collected from you. We often laughed at that memory, the one I called the girl in the blanket in the rain.

You had to be there, and I'm so glad I made it. It was the beginning of real hope for a different life for her.

You texted me a thank you later, and then shared with me that you didn't know if I would really come or not? I told her whenever she asked, I would be there. You can count on that. She texted back that she hadn't had a lot of that, being able to count on other people.

After that, we ate a lot of meals at the waffle house, some early, some late, talking real life stuff. She shared all the things that were ugly and bad in her life, her sadness, her addiction and how she wanted so much more; we discussed how she might accomplish that. She made her first list with me that night, she made a lot of lists.

On another night a few days later, after a very late Waffle House meal, I drove her home and stopped in front of her house. To my surprise, she grabbed my hand in hers and leaned over and kissed me. She got out, closed the door and walked away, stopped, turned around and came back, leaned in the passenger window and whispered, "I Love You, Michael Roland", then ran inside her house. I mean ran...she always used my middle name when something was most important to her.

Heather told me so many times that that moment just slipped out and it scared her; she wasn't thinking about it at all. She said her heart just spoke it to her. That was the beginning of Heather saving my life.

My heart had been broken, hardened and out of gas for a very, very long time but she jump started it with great care and I am forever grateful to her for that.

Over the next four years, we shared every emotion imaginable thru the amazing times, ordinary times (not many of those) and the horrible times. I spent too many days in hospitals with her, only leaving to get her ice cream sundaes or me some sleep. She'd wake up, see me and smile and tell me "I love you, Michael Roland" and I'd smile back.
I don't regret any event we shared together because it forged us, made us stronger, as so many forces tried to tear us apart. I trusted you with my heart Heather Marie, every time, every way and in every situation because you gave it back to me beating, alive and ready to love you even more; especially with that special love that involves great emotional risk.

You were perfect in every way for me Heather Marie; loving, caring, funny, smart, genuine and a temper to ice the frosting on the cake of your beautiful personality. You were so wonderfully real and honest with me and I absolutely, completely loved you with every part of me. I had to go out of town for three days when your mother called me. You were in the hospital again when I left to travel with my job. Your heart had an infection again but the doctors assured me you'd be okay soon. The worst phone call of my life came the next day...

I wish I could have been there with you at the end my love. I would have heard your breath sounds fading, stood up, walked over and pressed my lips to yours and breathed all of my life forces into you...you would have opened your eyes, smiled said thank you, and I love you Michael Roland, and started your new journey back into your life and healing.

My life was mostly over but yours had a chance to be completed now...

I am mad at you though, because when you left, you kept my heart Heather Marie; but I'll see you sooner than later at the Waffle House in Heaven and yes, it's open 24 hours a day but there's no smoking in the parking lot, my beautiful lady.

All my love to you forever Heather Marie. You made me such a better person and I'll never be able nor want to love another like I loved you babe.

Your Michael Roland...

She died in the hospital in September 2019 from a heart infection. To this day I can tangibly feel the loss of her, the most beautiful and amazing woman ever in my days alive on this planet.