Humor Poetry posted March 21, 2020


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Humorous Song contest entry

Designated Driver

by DragonSkulls

A Humorous Song Contest Winner 
We left the bar at 4a.m; me and my dog Clive.
I was drunk as usual, again he had to drive.

He made the turn at Elm and Main but went a little wide.
A cop was parked off in the dark. He pulled us to the side.

I said, "Oh great, that's just our luck, the only cop in town."
He moseyed up beside the truck. Clive rolled the window down.

He shined his flashlight in the cab, then stood there stupefied.
He asked, "Exactly what is this?" and here's what I replied.


(chorus)
    I know it's weird
    but ol' Clive here
    is my
    Designated Driver.

    I'll get home alive
    'cuz my dog Clive
    is my
    Designated Driver.



I said, "He didn't drink all night, he just played his guitar.
Beside the simple fact that they won't serve him at the bar."

He said, "I'll be the judge of that. Now please step from the truck."
Clive undid his seatbelt but the driver's door was stuck.

He hopped out of the window and the first test that arose:
"Now close your eyes and with your paw, reach up and touch your nose."

The next test that he had to pass was walk the painted line.
On his hind legs he walked it straight, like he does every time.


(chorus)
    I know it's weird
    but ol' Clive here
    is my
    Designated Driver.

    I'll get home alive
    'cuz my dog Clive
    is my
    Designated Driver.


                               (guitar solo)


The breathalyzer proved it all. He blew an O point O.
The cop gave Clive his dog tags back and said "You're free to go."

He wagged his tail and licked the cop then jumped back in the seat.
I knew just what he waited for, his favorite doggy treat.

He started up the truck again and fixed the rearview mirror.
I leaned over and said, "Good boy!" and scratched behind his ear.

He checked for cars and then pulled out and drove me home again.
His head outside the window. His tongue flapped in the wind.

(chorus)
    I know it's weird
    but ol' Clive here
    is my
    Designated Driver.

    I'll get home alive
    'cuz my dog Clive
    is my
    Designated Driver.

                          (Repeat chorus until fade-out)


 



A Humorous Song
Contest Winner


I created this ridiculous picture myself.
Thanks for reading.
DS



Pays one point and 2 member cents.


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