Good grief, Thelma, you hafta take all those pills?

Well, Fred, only if I want to keep livin’.

Oh.  Well, maybe you shouldn’t.

Very funny. You WERE being funny, weren’t you?

People tell me I’m a very funny guy.

Izzat so? What people?  You work in a complaint department.

 You wouldn’t believe some of the funny complaints we get.

 Prob’ly wouldn’t.

For instance, yesterday this lady (and I use the term loosely) called to say she wanted to return the wooden ducks she'd bought for her husband's office.
 
Not funny so far.

Nope.  Not yet.

You gonna finish?

 Thought I might.

We-ell??? You messin’ with me, you old coot?

Now why would I do a thing like that?

Because you’re sadistic.  Sometimes you can really be…

Sadistic.

Right.  Like now.  Also stubborn. Finish your story before I lose interest.

I’ve forgotten where I left off.

You didn’t leave “off”, you left your story.

Ha. Ha. Okay, let’s see. Oh, the lady, (loose term…)

You said that already, Freddy-kins.

And I’m sayin’ it again! Anyway the loose lady…

Oh!  Now the lady is loose.

You wanta hear the end of this or not?  I can keep you guessin', ya know.

Curiosity’s killin’ me.

Okay. You talked me into it. She said she was returning the ducks because apparently the stain had been rubbed off in several places.  She said they were damaged.

How in the world did that happen?

It didn’t.  They were distressed. That’s the way they’re supposed to look.

They’re supposed to look tired and upset? Well, shoot, I don’t blame her.  I wouldn’t want 'em, either.
  

No, not that kind of distressed.  It means the stain was wiped off in places to make them look old.
 It’s a style called Shabby Chic. It’s a country look.

What’s chic about shabby?  Shabby’s shabby.

Not if it’s chic shabby.

Well, I never. Who’d keep somethin’ shabby, chic or not?

I still got you, don’t I?

Fred Thistlewig, are you callin’ me….?”