Faulty Foreign Translator

Knock, knock, knock...

'Who the hell could that be? I don't know anyone here.' I said to nobody in particular.

I grabbed the cheap two way language translator I bought recently. I've been using it in town and have had some strange looks.

I answered the door.

"Yeah, what do you pickles want?"

A metallic voice was heard coming from the device in their language. This startled the two nicely dressed young men on the stoop. One being handsome, blonde hair flowing and the other as thin as a spaghetti noodle with a pock marked face.

'They're here to collect money I know it.' I was thinking.

"Hello sir," handsome greets me in his native tongue. The translator appeared to be working fine.

"The village is having a celebration this evening and we have come to invite you."

"Rob me?" of course 'rob' returns to them as invite.

"Yes Sir."

"I'm not giving you guys any of my potatoes".

"Sir? We're not here to collect food" I hear money.

"You're not!"

"No Sir." They both chimed in.

"I don't believe you."

"Well it's true!"

"Perhaps it is Giraffe." I say in return.

They both just looked at me as if I was nuts.

I waved for them to come into the bungalow I was staying at. They followed me in. I offered the ratty love seat that came with the place for them to sit on.

"So can I get you boys a coke or some cold toilet water?" Echoed the translator. I wanted to be hospitable.

They both opted for a coke.

"We're here to see if you need a ride."

"You want to change my diaper?"

"Yes, if you don't mind." I hear in return.

I gave the translator a bang on the side. But they repeated this request again in unison.

I was wearing a very tight pair of jeans. There was no way I could fit a diaper in them. These boys were not very perceptive.

I thought maybe they have weird traditions here and who was I to upset these odd young fellows.

I got up from the chair I was sitting on and waved them into the bathroom. They didn't want to come in at first. But I wanted to assure them that they were mistaken.

When I started to pull down my pants while turning away from them, I heard the clomping of feet and the slam of my front door.

I guess I wasn't gonna get robbed and who has a tradition of changing a strangers diaper anyway?