| General Fiction posted November 8, 2018 |
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Who would have thought?
One Handed Catch
by Boogienights
The author has placed a warning on this post for violence.
The author has placed a warning on this post for sexual content.
Let me preface this by saying that I have seen a lot of things in my life, some that would curl your hair, if it isn't curly already. However, I have never seen or participated in any event like the one I'm about to relate. I was walking through a park minding my own business, waiting for my dog to do his, when "Rover" decided to do just that. Slipping off his leash he roved over to a clump of high bushes, attracted by a hyperactive squirrel. While chasing after him I encountered a man and woman, naked as the day they were born, engaged in a heated argument. What they had been doing there in the first place I'll leave to the imagination. I stood there shocked, yet intrigued by the scene, when suddenly the woman produced a small folding knife and cut off the unfortunate mans penis!
A wailing commenced such as I've never heard before, as the man held on to the rest of his package for dear life. The angry woman took the appendage and threw it with all her might in my direction! Who would have thought? Now I don't like sports, have never played them. However, I caught that penis with one hand like I was a first round draft pick for the NFL. The scene was chaotic, as the woman took off running, the man continued to scream and I kept holding the wet squishy penis in my hot little hand. Luckily I'm ambidextrous, so I was able to call 911 with my other hand.
I explained that I was in possession of a rouge penis cut from an as yet to be identified man. Needless to say the ambulance came quickly and relieved me of the flying penis, while hauling away the still screaming man. The lesson learned from this incident? Keep your dog on it's leash and stay away from tall bushes. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm trying out for the Philadelphia Eagles.
The Flying penis contest entry
Let me preface this by saying that I have seen a lot of things in my life, some that would curl your hair, if it isn't curly already. However, I have never seen or participated in any event like the one I'm about to relate. I was walking through a park minding my own business, waiting for my dog to do his, when "Rover" decided to do just that. Slipping off his leash he roved over to a clump of high bushes, attracted by a hyperactive squirrel. While chasing after him I encountered a man and woman, naked as the day they were born, engaged in a heated argument. What they had been doing there in the first place I'll leave to the imagination. I stood there shocked, yet intrigued by the scene, when suddenly the woman produced a small folding knife and cut off the unfortunate mans penis!
A wailing commenced such as I've never heard before, as the man held on to the rest of his package for dear life. The angry woman took the appendage and threw it with all her might in my direction! Who would have thought? Now I don't like sports, have never played them. However, I caught that penis with one hand like I was a first round draft pick for the NFL. The scene was chaotic, as the woman took off running, the man continued to scream and I kept holding the wet squishy penis in my hot little hand. Luckily I'm ambidextrous, so I was able to call 911 with my other hand.
I explained that I was in possession of a rouge penis cut from an as yet to be identified man. Needless to say the ambulance came quickly and relieved me of the flying penis, while hauling away the still screaming man. The lesson learned from this incident? Keep your dog on it's leash and stay away from tall bushes. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm trying out for the Philadelphia Eagles.
A wailing commenced such as I've never heard before, as the man held on to the rest of his package for dear life. The angry woman took the appendage and threw it with all her might in my direction! Who would have thought? Now I don't like sports, have never played them. However, I caught that penis with one hand like I was a first round draft pick for the NFL. The scene was chaotic, as the woman took off running, the man continued to scream and I kept holding the wet squishy penis in my hot little hand. Luckily I'm ambidextrous, so I was able to call 911 with my other hand.
I explained that I was in possession of a rouge penis cut from an as yet to be identified man. Needless to say the ambulance came quickly and relieved me of the flying penis, while hauling away the still screaming man. The lesson learned from this incident? Keep your dog on it's leash and stay away from tall bushes. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm trying out for the Philadelphia Eagles.
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