The Light's Now Effing Green

She sits right there beside him
And she's nagging all the time.
Back seat driving is legal
But it ought to be a crime.
He always goes the wrong way
"Did you ever learn to drive?"
He can't say what he's thinking
If he speaks he'll not survive.

She's no good with directions
She confuses left with right.
Blames all errors that she makes
On him, then she starts a fight.
Says he's just like his father
He don't listen to his wife.
Dad's presently in prison
Doing twenty years to life.

When he went to court he said,
"Your Honour I can explain.
T'was taking the wife shopping
She started at me again.
I opened the door and pushed
She slid out onto the road
I heard her screaming at me
But I never ever slowed

He sits in his prison cell
Relieved 'cause he's all alone.
The one thing he's not missing
Is her harping nagging tone.
His days in jail are peaceful
At last his world is serene
There's peace of mind no nagging
"Go, the light is effing green."