.

There was a knock on the door.
He said it had a warp that would cause trouble.

Mitch, my know-it-all neighbor, always knocking something, came around to rain on my parade.
I’ve always been an easy-going guy, but after this bit of nosiness, I was perturbed. 
But I didn’t want him to know. I was cool.
”You’re crazy!!!” I said in response, being as diplomatic as possible.
“Mitchel, it’s a new door, and it’s fine, for crying out loud!”

Considering himself an expert on just about everything, including psychology, always eager to show off his insight, Mitch observed, “Did I say something that bothered you, buddy?”
Shuddering at the thought that he considered himself my pal, I pretended to ignore it.

“Last Monday, you advised me to remove everything that shouldn’t get wet from my back yard, because, despite weather reports to the contrary, Tuesday was going to be stormy, according to your son’s meteorology professor. It took two hours to get everything inside.”

“Yes, I know it was beautiful Tuesday, but the kid is like me, trying to help out whenever he can. You can’t blame him for believing his teacher.”

“I admit you’re always coming up with something, Mitch, but you’re far too generous with that tendency to be….a good person.” 

“Yes, I know. It’s just my nature, buddy.”

There it was again! I had to nip this whole thing in the buddy. “Sure,” I replied, “just don’t try to be so helpful anymore. I’ll see you around, Mitch.”
I did it! And it was easier than I expected.

To maintain my reputation in this small community, I never complain about other people, let alone neighbors, as much as I might want to. So it seemed heaven-sent that an elderly aunt from out of town came to visit later that day. We talked about old times, her health and mine, and then it was a relief to tell about all the silliness over my new door.

As she was about to leave, I said, “Thanks for stopping by after so many years,  Aunt Agatha, especially with your arthritis, and your long trip, and all. And thanks for listening to my griping about my butinsky neighbor. I had to get him off my chest.”
”Don’t mention it, dear. Goodbye.”
“Here, let me open the door for you….I can’t! It’s stuck shut!”

Aunt Agatha was there for a few more hours, until the workmen broke their way in.
My house has another brand-new door now.

I’m lucky good old Mitch isn’t a gossip.