| Satire Fiction posted June 29, 2017 |
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Do not read If you cherish youthful memories of Goldilocks.
The True Story Of Goldilocks
by Ogden
Write a Modern Fable Contest Winner
This is the abridged tale of a career criminal, the fable of a woman whose name never has been learned. As a little girl, she was called Goldilocks because of her abundant golden tresses, which always were arranged in long curls.
Goldilocks was a pretty but naughty little creature, who persistently sought and found trouble. And who, because of those curls, always was easily identified as she ran away.
It was clear, in those days, the child was not very bright. In fact, she once decided to burgle the home of a family of bears - and got caught in the act! Imagine that, bears! She managed, somehow, to escape certain mayhem, by running away. After that transgression, she did perhaps the first smart thing in her young life. Or, should it be said she didn't do a smart thing? Well, It turned out to be a lucky thing. She never returned to the scene of her crime - a common misstep criminals are known to make.
Yes, not ever returning to the home of the three bears was the luckiest thing Goldilocks ever didn't do. It must be noted that the date of that historic non-event, unfortunately for fable historians, must forever be unknowable.
Goldilocks grew into adulthood without even giving a thought to why she never got caught, no matter how risky or unwise the caper.
Fortunately for her, the child's intelligence deficit was counterbalanced by a lucky happenstance - her possession of a tiny tooth that she had pilfered from under the littlest bear's pillow, intended for the Tooth Fairy. That tiny tooth later was to become an invaluable asset in her fabled criminal career.
Her narrow escape from the bears, her childhood's unblemished criminal experience, a bear tooth, and excellent genes, all combined to make the person she grew up to be, a very confident crook.
Despite many dumb mistakes, the young bandit, with her bear tooth amulet on a stolen gold chain always around her neck, committed many daring criminal hijinks. Before very long, Goldilocks had become the darling of the media, who published racy publicity photos that she had distributed, and dubbed her "Goldie The Gorgeous Getaway Gangster." (The media was very corny in those days.) At the photo shoot, Goldilocks lost her amulet, and that was when her luck ran out.
Dear reader, please be informed that the moral of the story's more familiar version, ''She who dares to steal from bears, should be aware that bears don't care," is an entirely false and misleading moral. Bears do care.
When Goldie The Gorgeous Getaway Gangster was at the peak of her fame, the little bear, whose tooth she wore, now fully grown and quick to anger, saw her photo in the newspaper, tracked her down, and put an end to her charmed existence. Any bystander who understood bear talk would have heard the carnivore's parting words, "She was delicious!"
So ends "The True Story of Goldilocks."
And the moral of the story is fables often have unreliable morals, so don't believe them, except this one.
This is the abridged tale of a career criminal, the fable of a woman whose name never has been learned. As a little girl, she was called Goldilocks because of her abundant golden tresses, which always were arranged in long curls.
Goldilocks was a pretty but naughty little creature, who persistently sought and found trouble. And who, because of those curls, always was easily identified as she ran away.
It was clear, in those days, the child was not very bright. In fact, she once decided to burgle the home of a family of bears - and got caught in the act! Imagine that, bears! She managed, somehow, to escape certain mayhem, by running away. After that transgression, she did perhaps the first smart thing in her young life. Or, should it be said she didn't do a smart thing? Well, It turned out to be a lucky thing. She never returned to the scene of her crime - a common misstep criminals are known to make.
Yes, not ever returning to the home of the three bears was the luckiest thing Goldilocks ever didn't do. It must be noted that the date of that historic non-event, unfortunately for fable historians, must forever be unknowable.
Goldilocks grew into adulthood without even giving a thought to why she never got caught, no matter how risky or unwise the caper.
Fortunately for her, the child's intelligence deficit was counterbalanced by a lucky happenstance - her possession of a tiny tooth that she had pilfered from under the littlest bear's pillow, intended for the Tooth Fairy. That tiny tooth later was to become an invaluable asset in her fabled criminal career.
Her narrow escape from the bears, her childhood's unblemished criminal experience, a bear tooth, and excellent genes, all combined to make the person she grew up to be, a very confident crook.
Despite many dumb mistakes, the young bandit, with her bear tooth amulet on a stolen gold chain always around her neck, committed many daring criminal hijinks. Before very long, Goldilocks had become the darling of the media, who published racy publicity photos that she had distributed, and dubbed her "Goldie The Gorgeous Getaway Gangster." (The media was very corny in those days.) At the photo shoot, Goldilocks lost her amulet, and that was when her luck ran out.
Dear reader, please be informed that the moral of the story's more familiar version, ''She who dares to steal from bears, should be aware that bears don't care," is an entirely false and misleading moral. Bears do care.
When Goldie The Gorgeous Getaway Gangster was at the peak of her fame, the little bear, whose tooth she wore, now fully grown and quick to anger, saw her photo in the newspaper, tracked her down, and put an end to her charmed existence. Any bystander who understood bear talk would have heard the carnivore's parting words, "She was delicious!"
So ends "The True Story of Goldilocks."
And the moral of the story is fables often have unreliable morals, so don't believe them, except this one.
Goldilocks was a pretty but naughty little creature, who persistently sought and found trouble. And who, because of those curls, always was easily identified as she ran away.
It was clear, in those days, the child was not very bright. In fact, she once decided to burgle the home of a family of bears - and got caught in the act! Imagine that, bears! She managed, somehow, to escape certain mayhem, by running away. After that transgression, she did perhaps the first smart thing in her young life. Or, should it be said she didn't do a smart thing? Well, It turned out to be a lucky thing. She never returned to the scene of her crime - a common misstep criminals are known to make.
Yes, not ever returning to the home of the three bears was the luckiest thing Goldilocks ever didn't do. It must be noted that the date of that historic non-event, unfortunately for fable historians, must forever be unknowable.
Goldilocks grew into adulthood without even giving a thought to why she never got caught, no matter how risky or unwise the caper.
Fortunately for her, the child's intelligence deficit was counterbalanced by a lucky happenstance - her possession of a tiny tooth that she had pilfered from under the littlest bear's pillow, intended for the Tooth Fairy. That tiny tooth later was to become an invaluable asset in her fabled criminal career.
Her narrow escape from the bears, her childhood's unblemished criminal experience, a bear tooth, and excellent genes, all combined to make the person she grew up to be, a very confident crook.
Despite many dumb mistakes, the young bandit, with her bear tooth amulet on a stolen gold chain always around her neck, committed many daring criminal hijinks. Before very long, Goldilocks had become the darling of the media, who published racy publicity photos that she had distributed, and dubbed her "Goldie The Gorgeous Getaway Gangster." (The media was very corny in those days.) At the photo shoot, Goldilocks lost her amulet, and that was when her luck ran out.
Dear reader, please be informed that the moral of the story's more familiar version, ''She who dares to steal from bears, should be aware that bears don't care," is an entirely false and misleading moral. Bears do care.
When Goldie The Gorgeous Getaway Gangster was at the peak of her fame, the little bear, whose tooth she wore, now fully grown and quick to anger, saw her photo in the newspaper, tracked her down, and put an end to her charmed existence. Any bystander who understood bear talk would have heard the carnivore's parting words, "She was delicious!"
So ends "The True Story of Goldilocks."
And the moral of the story is fables often have unreliable morals, so don't believe them, except this one.
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Writing Prompt Write a short fable-like story where the last sentence starts with: "And the moral of the story is". This can be on any subject, true or fictional, and can be in any voice, as long as the moral is stated in the last line. A new twist on an old fable is also allowed. |
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