Tragedy at St. Matthew's

by CD Richards

Shaggy Dog Poetry Contest Contest Winner

The congregation sobbed and wept, on the
day their poor bell-ringer died.
"Old Cedric's a chap who can't be replaced,
the finest of all in Strathclyde."

"We must have a ringer to ring out a tune
whenever the town has a wedding.
If not, I do fear that catastrophe's near —
there'll be masses of unholy bedding!"

The adverts went out the very next day,
to find a replacement bell-ringer;
"To drum up a chime, we must find someone
reliable, prompt, and a swinger."

First on the list, a pert little lass,
whose parents had christened her Hope.
She didn't do well, the girl tripped and fell,
and tangled her foot in the rope.

Young Michael was next, and he tried his best,
But things went quite horribly wrong;
The lad was tone deaf, and more to the point,
did not know his ding from his dong.

The third applicant had the vicar confused,
The man was abundant in charms;
"But how in the name of all that is good,
will you make the bell ring with no arms?"

The chap gave a smile, and slowly paced back,
then ran at full speed to the bell;
his face hit the brass with an almighty "thump",
and the instrument rang out a knell.

He repeated the act, in view of them all,
not once, but three or four times.
Each contact surpassed the previous one,
The town was soon deluged in chimes!

"With one final peal," he thought out aloud,
"I'm certain I'll make the job mine."
The vicar's broad smile soon turned to a frown,
for brashness is not a good sign.

The lad took his run, leapt into the air-—
the bell swung right out of the way.
The poor fellow's eyes grew as wide as two plates
as the onlookers screamed in dismay.

When the ambulance came to take him away
there was little the medics could do,
the constable took out his notepad, then asked
"By what name was this man known to you?"

The vicar was lost for an answer just then
for the man's name, he never did tell;
"I'm sorry sir, I was not privy to that,
but I'm certain his face rang a bell."

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Writing Prompt
In case you didn?t know - A shaggy dog story is one that is longer than necessary, generally funny largely because it is absurdly inconsequential or pointless. BUT, DO NOT JUST RAMBLE. WRITE A STORY, AND MAKE IT FUNNY!
Judges will ascertain that entries are, in fact, stories.

Length - from 200 to 400 words
No animation, audio or other special effects.
Two-color only display of font and background.

Shaggy Dog Poetry Contest
Contest Winner

Recognized

Image: public domain.

When I published this, it didn't occur to me that taking 5 words from an old joke of unknown origin and turning it into a 400 word poem would be considered 'copying' - however it appears at least one person thinks so, therefore I publish this disclaimer, before voting in the contest opens.

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Ask not for whom the bell tolls...

A chapter in the book Miscellaneous Poems Vol 2

Tragedy at St. Matthew's

by CD Richards

Shaggy Dog Poetry Contest Contest Winner

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