A Choice I Make

I walked to my car in the parking lot, as hot tears coming down, hurried my walk.

Cancer? Me?...I just didn't expect it.

Then, I remembered.

He had come home to me those last months. It was a gift he had given me. Finally, he leaned on only me. Finally, he needed his family. He passed away in my arms.

My life was over.

Then, I remembered.

Little Connor was Gran's joy. His smile was of one who was absolutely sure all was well. His eyes proclaimed a knowledge few ever possess. He was with us for such a short time. Breathing became an unnecessary option for me, as we had to watch his life gently and slowly disappear.

I hated the world. I hated anything that moved, didn't move, talked or didn't.

Then, I remembered.

Oh, I was not a new-comer to pain or trouble. My childhood haunted me and was a constant threat to my sanity. Abuse makes you doubt all that is positive and good.

I remembered, though.

I had some choices to make. My friends had seen me through years and years of sadness, betrayal, death, darkness, and loneliness. But, I never gave into the part of the tragedies of life that hands you bitterness as your walking cane.

In life, we all wish days were sunny, skies were blue, relationships were loving, and our Technicolor dreams would come true. But, life's not that way.

That's when I remember.

I remember that I am stronger than my worst nightmare, because of my FAITH.

I remember that I am never alone because He walks beside me. My faith carries me when I can't motivate myself to move ahead. My faith endures when the ugliness around me attempts to grab my attention.

I remember I have choices.

I remember that a choice is to be made each day we wake up. It's so simple, really. Is this going to be a positive happy day, or one in darkness?

I remember my faith.

For it is as much a part of me as day and night.

I remember my faith.

I'll smile and go make coffee.