Square One

The curtains were drawn as she lay in bed, curled up into a small ball on her side. She was facing away from the empty side of the bed with the covers pulled up to hide at least half of her face. Hot tears trickled down and dripped off the bridge of her nose as she gasped for air. Even when the cat curled up against the small of her back she had no desire to turn over and face reality.

At one point she'd fallen asleep, the tears had stolen her strength but left nothing to soothe the ache. When she opened her eyes she found herself facing the other side of the bed, causing her to let out a frustrated cry. Instead of being a little puddle of sorrow in bed, she was now pacing back and forth. She relented long enough to feed the cat, his resounding purrs bringing a hollow little smile to her face.

With a heavy sigh she sat down at the dining room table.The torn pages of her diary strewn over it. Everywhere their names had been, she had blotted it out with whatever she could get her hands on. She sipped her tea and gathered up the remnants of her confidant before throwing them in the recycling bin. Time to start anew, forget that she'd loved that person.

It seemed easy in theory, but her heart already siezed up at the prospect. However she straightened her spine and closed her eyes, looking within her soul. A battered looking dove coming to mind, with a broken wing and a missing foot. Her love for this person, while hurt, it was still strong. She squeezed her eyes tight a little and mentally reached out to pat the dove's head with one finger. Her fingers then wrapped around its slender, softly feathered neck and she squeezed the life from it.

Tears slipped down her cheeks and she sobbed, letting go of the dove as it fell to pieces before sinking into the dark recesses of her mind. Though seemingly dead, she knew it still lurked inside. But so she could face the world, it had to be done. She moved back through the house and got dressed, paying attention to detail. Her kitten heels and pretty navy dress became her armour, her hand bag was her shield. She held her head up high as she made sure to lock everything up before making her way to work.

She sat down at her desk quietly, checking her emails and deleting all the unimportant ones. Her straight spine was already aching as she took in a deep breath to try and relax. Honey hued eyes glanced up just in time to see them look away, a flutter starting up in her heart. But she returned to what she was doing, ignoring the painful tightening in her chest.

"Helen? You're looking well..." she looked up again, only to give the other woman a politely thin smile.

"Thank you Maggie." Helen replied blandly before getting up to put files away, the other young woman following on her heels.

"Helen? You know I didn't mean to-..." The pretty blonde started, only to looked shocked as Helen extended a hand to her. Warm golden brown met pale blue as Maggie realised what Helen was doing and she looked almost grim before they shook hands.

"I understand, I know it has been hard for you to try and pretend you loved me. Let's end it here." The dark haired woman stated plainly before removing her hand from the blondes' grip and returning to work.

"You loved me three weeks ago Helen, what happened?" Maggie persisted and Helen sighed before ignoring the fluttering in her chest as it intensified.

"I killed it, my love for you. We can start again now, move on as friends and forget what we were." Helen cleared her throat as her stomach sank.

This was how it had to be, no one could force love. No one could dictate who you fell in love with either, but she felt her world shift slightly as Maggie retreated to her desk. She'd taken a step toward becoming a stronger person, she would stop hiding from anything that challenged her emotional wellbeing. She was back at square one, but it wasn't so frightening now. It hurt more than she would care to admit but that would fade with time and persistence.