Last lines of chapter 13:

When I had sufficiently calmed down, I looked no further than the next ad in the column. Prompted by an old saying, I couldn't wait to get back on the horse. The next call could lead to finishing my "Preakness."


Chapter 14

After Strike One


At first, I thought I had reached a distant planet.

"Edelman and Maisel." It was the mechanical way she said it. "Please state your name and the name of the person who referred you to us." Or maybe she's a robot.

Regardless, I persevered. "Good morning. My name is Russell Walker. I've just written a . . ."

"I have you as Russel," the mono-toned speaker intervened. "Please state the name of the person who referred you to us." Maybe it's a recording.

"If there is no response within thirty seconds, this call will be terminated."

The most appropriate response that came to mind was one of extreme inappropriateness.

"If you are still experiencing difficulty, please do not hang up."

Dialing "O", I've learned, will often connect a caller to a live voice. I tried it and heard the same android-like spiel. "This is not a recording." That surprised me. "Thanks for playing along with this telephone spoof."

The voice had gradually transformed into a friendlier, almost soothing vocalization. "Who am I speaking with?"

"I'm Russell walker. That was a clever ruse Miss, uh . . ."

"Purcell."

"I enjoyed that, Miss Purcell. Very original."

"You may call me Abigail. I love playing these parts, but please don't tell Mr. Edelman what I've done."

"Which one?"

"There's only one."

"The ad said, Edelman, Maisel and Edelman."

"That's an old ad."

"Well, I'd like to show my screenplay to one of them."

"Who referred you to us?

"Nobody. I just saw . . ."

"You mean 'No one,' sir. If your screenplay is full of this type of poor grammar, I suggest you take it elsewhere. That's why a prospective client must be referred by a third party. We can not be wasting our time on a work that doesn't pass a minimum . . ."

"Abigail, Abigail," I nearly shouted.

"Yes, Mr. Walker."

"You're doing it again, aren't you?"

"Yes, Mr. Walker, but I must say, most people catch on a whole lot quicker than you did."

"Do I really need a referral?"

"No, Russell. May I call you Russ."

"Yes, Abby."

"Now you're clicking."

"Is either of your bosses in at the moment?"

"No, they're not."

"When do you expect them back?"

"Not for a couple of weeks."

"Off doing a shoot somewhere?"

"They're on their honeymoon."

"So, it's a husband and wife team?"

"In a manner of speaking."

"Abby."

"Yes, Russ."

"You're doing it again, aren't you?"

"Yes, Russ."

"I'm going out on a limb and tell you what I think is going on. The partners are in a meeting. One of the partners is your father. Probably Mr. Maisel. You're in your first year of acting school. The class is concentrating on improv, which you've been practicing on me."

"Are you a mind reader or something? You were right about everything except, I'm in my second year."

"You were very convincing, Abby."

"Thank you."

"If I ever write a part for a wacky receptionist or a schizophrenic secretary,
I'll be sure to call you."

"That would be great, Russ."

"Now you've got me doing it."

- - - < > - - -

I provided my phone number to the wanna-be improv artist, along with other pertinent information and asked her to have one of the straight, gay or Siamese partners give me a call. I didn't care which, just so the caller is able to communicate in a normal fashion.

- - - < > - - -

Abby's impertinent information found a place in my computer, including the word, "improv," as a pleasant reminder of our conversation.

- - - < > - - -

The possibility of ever calling Abby again would depend entirely on Dolores. I'm not sure what "Miss Manners" would advise, but I think she would agree, as the innocent party, it is not my place to be the first to call. At least not today.