Aquarius (January 21 – February 19)

If you are a single Aquarian, you may have been feeling left out in recent months. Never mind, with Mars moving into Gemini your prospects for love will be good until at least June 24. Ideally, you might find a clingy Cancer or poor-me Pisces to hook up with – it's never going to work if both of you are the type to run a mile at any mention of commitment. Why are you even reading this anyway? It's not as if anyone's opinion matters besides your own.

Pisces (February 20 – March 20)

Awards and honors could be coming your way. With Saturn retrograding back into Scorpio, the pressure will begin to ease off at work, allowing you to concentrate on other things – like your navel. June 8 will be a great day health wise, so if you have any medical concerns whatsoever, have your mommy book you an appointment for that day.

Aries (March 21 – April 20)

Indications are that you may be about to conclude a creative project, possibly in the area of publishing or broadcasting. We'll have to remember to look out for the naked selfies on match.com. Friday, June 5 could be a great time to take a trip out of town, with Mars reaching out to Jupiter. As the moon moves into Aquarius, it's even possible that you could find love with someone besides yourself.

Taurus (April 21 – May 21)

June 22 will be a massive day for you. It is your big time for home improvements – focus on repairs and renovations, and you will be richly rewarded. With Venus in Leo on the 27th and 28th, look for chemistry with those you meet – the sparks just might fly. Just remember if you do find your one true love, make sure you let them out of their cage regularly and don't forget to feed them.

Gemini (May 22 – June 21)

This month sees Jupiter becoming your work ally, with the assistance of Mercury. Venus is set to bring great positivity to your relationships (your friends will be positive that you're psychotic). People have a tendency to see you as borderline schizophrenic, but that shouldn't be of concern to either of you. Just do your own thing, as always.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22)

June 2 sees a full moon, so your friends might want to leave town. Early June could also see interesting prospects develop job-wise. As a child of the moon, you believe yourself to be caring and dependable. Those who are honest with you will tell you that you're moody, whining and self-absorbed. If they wanted loyalty, they'd get a puppy. Move on.

Leo (July 23 – August 21)

This month, like every other month, is all about you. With Uranus orbiting in Aries, travel is on the cards for you this month. The full moon in Sagittarius indicates news to do with pregnancy, a baby or child. With luck, yet one more person to worship and adore you. Ain't life grand?

Virgo (August 22 – September 23)

Mercury will be very active for you in June, resulting in astounding prospects for career advancement. June 22 will be one of the greatest days of 2015 for you, if you can get your head out of Uranus long enough to enjoy it. If you're so precise, observant and analytical, why are you still reading this crap?

Libra (September 24 – October 23)

This month, you have exciting prospects for travel and work advancement, just like every other frigging sign. That should suit you down to the ground, because herd mentality really is your thing. Thankfully there will be plenty of others around to make the decisions that you can never force upon yourself, ensuring that you are kept in the style to which you're entitled.

Scorpio (October 24 – November 22)

Things are looking great for you money-wise this month, however you need to exercise great caution before entering into any contracts. At least one type of contract shouldn't be a problem – not many people are foolhardy enough to marry someone who by nature is jealous, suspicious and manipulative. Concentrate on financial and career prospects, and try not to let your OCD get in the way.

Sagittarius (November 23 – December 22)

Astounding progress is possible on the personal front. Romance is set to blossom, so I guess somewhere out there is another brick who is feeling amorous. Jupiter is your ruling planet, ensuring an easy ride on the highway of life this month. If you have been thinking about passports, citizenship or visa matters, or even leaving the country, these issues may very shortly be resolved. If you haven't been considering a permanent move overseas, please do.

Capricorn (December 23 – January 20)

For you, June will be a month of surprises. Plans involving real estate could well be on the cards. June 2nd's full moon is in your twelfth house, and Jupiter is in your eighth – which can only mean one thing: you have too many houses. This month is a good month to focus on fitness. Approach your psychological problems in a positive frame of mind, and try not to be so boring.