As I grew from a small child to a young woman, there was never really a question of who or even if I would marry.
I was raised believing that God would decide this.

My grandfather would tell me who and when. I knew that what he advised I would do, no matter how my personal self felt.

This was ex actually what I did, just after I turned 18, grandpa showed up at my workplace hundreds of miles away from home, telling me it was God's will that I marry, and whom I was to marry.

I had never met this young man, and was startled to think he was to be my husband.

Truthfully I had been moaning for years to myself and anyone listening that I would end up married to a old man with multiple wives.

Yes a polygamist, Fundamentalist or a Mormon following teachings of Joseph Smith.
My grandfather and great grandfather being bodyguards for Joseph Smith, my mother also having been taught this way, it was ingrained into me as well.

By now our group was called "Jack Mormons," we were taught we needed to live polygamy to live "Celestial marriage" in heaven.
I grew up in a small town called "Short Creek," on the boarders of Utah and Arizona.

My grandfather was the leader of this community . He was well loved, he was a tiny stooped man with piercing eyes and bent crooked fingers.

He was kind to me and loved my father, although dad lost his actual father earlier.

This cute old man, had many wives; some old and some just older than I.
These women were treated as though they were princesses, they had the best of clothing and lived an enchanted life, other than the fact they shared a husband, too old to give them children or perhaps other things. Every where these beautiful women went they were treated like royalty.
Of course at the time I thought I understood the gossip of the town which was that Gran-pa had forgiven a couple of these beautiful young wives for adultery. These girls taught sewing, 4 H, and went around the town spreading good will, with his position money was not a problem to them and they spent freely.
Grandfather also owned a huge beautiful home in Salt Lake and often part of his family were there.

These women helped when the time came for me to make a wedding dress, they assisted making it.

What surprised me more about getting married was that the young man agreed, He had not seen me, so this was probably why he said yes.
Our first meeting was in my parents rundown home, with many brothers and sisters watching, most were curious and mom's excitement made them more so.
He had two mothers but only his father came to our home.

My family had only one mother, she was the biological mom to all 15 children, ten girls and five brothers.
I had been sick much of the time since born, I had a big space in my teeth, no chin and could never go cross-eyed like my siblings because my eyes were not lined up correct ally. I was the plain, and later told the ugly one.

When this young man looked at my family I was the last one he would have chosen. Five years later I came to realize he had been drawn to my little red headed sister.
I was nervous and excited, I was marrying a young man that all the girls wanted, He was from Salt Lake and going to school to become a Dentist, also he was considered to be wealthy; most of all he was beautiful from a distance. The first time I saw him was in church, I never imagined I would know him, let alone marry him. I once said "If he becomes a Dentist, I will never open my big ugly mouth to him!"

My mom was thrilled by this choice of husband simply because years before a self-righteous uncle told her that this family would have nothing to do with ours because they were better than us.

On this day his father took over introducing us, then we were allowed to go for a short ride alone, I apologized to him for me, and told him I had a disease called "Lymphadema," this made my legs and feet become swollen and even more ugly. He was kind and did not show repulsion toward me.
Then we met his large family, they did not feel I was near to being good enough for him.
I Agreed, I said yes to marrying him, feeling that at least in marrying into polygamy he would be able to have wives much more attractive than I, if it had just been the two of us, I would never make any man put up with me as their only mate.

This young man was totally under his father's control, he telling me that I was to treat his father as though he was God.
I was surprised that the young guy acted like he liked me.
The next time I saw him was on my wedding day, when grandfather Married us. The ring he put on my finger was picked and paid for by his father.
My wedding was with a very small amount of people, and to be kept sort of a secret.
We lift town immediately after returning to Salt Lake so he could "attend school."

We would stay with his father's step mother, in a large beautiful home, she was a strange controlling person.

On the ride taking seven hours, we were stopped in a small town receiving a ticket for speeding, the judge let him off because he told him we were just married. On this first trip he told me he loved me, and that I must sit as close to him as possible. I didn't believe he was even close to loving me but thought it was nice of him to say it.

We arrived at the house, It was empty because his father had arranged for his mom to be gone for a couple of days, the house was locked and he had to get in through a window, then I slid down a long steep set of stairs on my butt, I was so embarrassed.
That first night I was in a daze, I had controlled every thing I did since I was 15. He seemed to know everything and was very confident.
Everything that followed was a shock and pain full, what I thought I knew was so wrong.
During the time we lived there, we learned to hide our television when gone, also we played strange games when she was gone.

At breakfast in the mornings we were treated to the sound of aunt Mary having an enema in the bathroom close by, she did not have her hearing aids on so was unaware of this.

After being married five years and learning to trust someone, things changed.
During this time my husband had convinced me to try singing, This I never did but he said my voice was beautiful so I tried.
Then he received with my help-a second wife, I had three children in these five years.
He soon told her that in his words "kissing me was like kissing a pile of rocks," He said I could not sing and was tone deaf. He told her he had never felt passion for me just pity.
To be fair he also told her Un-truths, and in the long run she suffered much more than I.

He came from a family that believed in herbs, so when married I was treated to strange concoctions, and tried to cook with stone ground wheat flour, honey instead of sugar or brown sugar and oil instead of shortening.
My first lemon pie was so hideous I hid it in the freezer for three months then threw it over the fence.
Before I married I learned to cook from my mother, white flour, white sugar and everything she cooked was worthy of a bakery's product, her bread, canning and cleaning had been top notch.

The "Group" had "Young married meetings." And at a meeting I had never heard of "Fireside" he would set up for these, when we attended I watched the unmarried gals look longingly at him, each knowing in their hearts he deserved better than me.

I fell in love with him because he was kind and did not make me feel disgusting, he made me feel beautiful and desirable; although he was cruel about my family (except the little redheaded sis).

When a person has been born into this religion with father and grandfather's immersed in it, this is ingrained into their soul's and few can comprehend living another way.

The women can be as determined as the men to live this way, so many are lonely and trying to work with the other women married to the same man at the same time, many fail. They usually have children the same ages and most are unable to treat the children equal.
Wives become bitter enemies of their competition and their offspring.

Some of this is due to the attitude of the men, many are truly " pigs." Feeling that no woman is worth giving up polygamy for, and if they have to give up a wife and her offspring they will be rewarded by more of both, if a woman dies in childbirth there are plenty more where they came from.
If a woman is to be accepted she must never practice any kind of birth control, and give up the right to decide the future of children, even what the children are named.
When the men such as this give preference it depends on the wives attributes, usually meaning an unattractive wife will be forever shadowed by her fairest sister (literally) with children being treated accordingly.

I have to also admit that there is nothing meaner than an angry woman, in small words and deed's they can cut deeper than a knife.
My husband used to say our "tongue's were sharper than sword's."

Does this sound like a story in a book with the word Holy in it? (Bible, Leah and Rachael?).
One of my favorite jokes was I was the Leah to my sisters Rachael.
This also being as much my doing as anyone's.