She is angry, frightened, feeling trapped. She looks into my eyes; I hear her voice in my mind, pleading "Don't let Thomas watch, Don't you watch. She is being washed and dressed by the nurses; he is standing over her, touching and looking. I cannot leave her helpless and alone with her future killer.

My baby sister, Dale, thirty two years old, mother of eight little children, she had just lost the only baby made of love. Lying in the hospital bed, she was unable to speak or move her limbs, but her eyes her showed fear and humiliation. When she was in control she had learned to keep him away. She was only waiting for the final papers to her divorce. He was still legally her husband, and had the right to decide her and her children's fate.

She was just past fifteen years old when mom and dad turned her into the priesthood, telling her that she would marry Thomas (no body's catch). She obeyed, revealing nothing of her hell until the last year. Even then we only knew because of her writings, read after she died.

She wrote of his twisted sexual habits that made her scrub herself with a tooth brush, mouth and body until they bled. Many times she had no food for her children. Thomas's father would indicate that if she "satisfied" her husband he would provide food for her babies. One baby died before birth, another was born mentally challenged caused by lack of nutrition. She was not allowed birth control, and had never being educated about sex, so she gave birth to one child after another until her body was so depleted she could hardly walk.

When her youngest was four, she finally took her children
Out of the polygamist town, moving into a two bedroom trailer with her sister having four children of her own. She then put her children in school and filed for divorce.

With so many in such a small home, life was difficult. She found a job and began her fight.

She was smiling again. The kids were doing better in school, as they became secure. For the first time in her life Dale felt like a beautiful person. Asked out by many, she finally said yes to one man. She was so innocent, never thinking the relationship would go further than a date, after a few dates they thought they were in love. She experience's love and sex together, but when she realized she was pregnant, he was overwhelmed with the responsibility of her large family. She was also reluctant to commit so they separated.

Still she thought of him and glowed. Although frightened, she wanted this baby. Her youngest was five, and her children were also excited about a new baby.

Standing in a court room, two months pregnant with her father by her side, she fought for her children. Their father used the unborn child as leverage to try to take them.
Before strangers this shy quiet young mother told about times her children went hungry, how the town treated them, and what she had achieved, telling them this baby was made in love and she would not give any of her children up. The court granted her all.

Christmas was close; they were so happy, shopping for small things for each other. The future for them was bright; they were almost free.

Suddenly she slipped and fell down, she was still unconscious when the paramedics came, because she hit her head as she fell.

Later we were told that she lost her baby boy immediately, due to embryo fluid in her blood stream, she was in a coma. The doctors told us she may not come out of the coma. We could not accept this, we took turns at her bed side.
We had to fight for her children. Thomas was using her condition to take them. He told them to pray she died, because she was bad and would go to hell.

When she was stabilized, Thomas moved her to a rest home, operated by the people in the group.

She had nine sister's so we tried to always have one of us close to her.
While I was with her I heard an older woman in the same room saying, "Why don't you let her die?" Dale was put on an old loud respirator with a tube through her throat.

We decide to take her home caring for her ourselves, we felt we must watch her at all times. The nursing people were abusive; a nurse formally working at this place told us things that made us uneasy. Dale was not being washed properly, her feet smelled and when we tried to clean her they tried to make us leave.

I was certain that her husband and family were causing this hostility.

Two of us went to see her, we were leaving town for a wedding, We told her "When we came back we are taking you home". Standing by her bed crying, saying "We love you", unexpectedly she formed the words "I love you".

It was impossible to express the joy of that moment, knowing that with care she would recover, our faith was strong.

We left her big sister to keep her company.
Later we were told that the nurse refused to let this sister stay with her, sending her away.

The next day in the middle of the wedding; a phone call, telling us Dale was dead. Such shock and disbelief.

The days after were a nightmare. Her husband was in control. "It is the law", we heard again. We were not allowed to go to the funeral in the town, we are "Gentiles". We had a small reception at the mortuary. She was to be buried in the town cemetery, owned by the religion.

We watched as people stood over her casket, talking about how evil she was, seeing her baby girl holding her arms out screaming for someone she knew, being held back by her hateful grandmother, Saying "No they are bad".
When this babies mom went to the hospital she asked her aunt "If mommy dies, can I please live with you?".

We were not allowed to comfort the children, they were immediately taken to a home where a known child molester lived. All pictures of their mom were taken away.

We were always told that when someone died they were in a better place and happier there.
Such a lie, Dale would never have left her children in this place and would never have been happy there.

We were not given a reason for her death. I would think the old respirator had something to do with it.

The polygamist group taught that in god's name it was not wrong to encourage an errant wife to take her own life, some providing drugs for them to do so. They preached this was to save their souls.

Thomas spent his life trying to please, he always believed that he had tainted blood from his mom, so was not quite as good as many siblings. Always feeling inadequate he did anything to please his father, and believed if he wanted more wives he must obey.

In my heart I am certain Dale was murdered, someone was aware we were taking her home, with only one night she should have survived.

As I write this I have to ask, "Where the Hell was God?.