Me Writer-You Jane

I stopped reading when I finally acknowledged that I was a writer.

Profound; given the advice of every tutor and mentor that has waved a magic wand over my head, bewitching me into believing that I must remain a scholar, a student, if I intended to succeed at my craft.

Of course, that's a lie--another notch in my proverbial moral compass. To lie is to attack me, offend my intelligence and deny my right to challenge a person--but I digress.

Yet, when someone asks me who my favourite author is, I most often respond with a glib comment. "Me-of course."

I read hundreds of thousands of words-some of which are memorable. I can't discuss popular novelists or authors currently on the best seller list, but I sit in anticipation when I see the names, Mark, Lee, Stan, Dean or Avril appear on my E-mail.

Of course I promote their talent, and that works especially well if the person probing into my literary personality admires my work. It adds credibility--increases the appetite for my 'wonder' authors.

The fatal flaw on FanStory is that we begin to pander to writers and forget readers. I know, without a doubt how to feed my audience. When I write for the local newspaper, word count aside, I absolutely understand the appetite. I'll earn more stars with a happy ending on this site than I will by conjuring up one of my caustic essays.

At times, I feel like a technician, a servant to words. I have evolved, grown past the need to be acknowledged; at times burying my true feelings as I birth characters who are emotionally corrupt. I breathe life into these shadows, writing equally from a man's perspective and as a woman. I trade footsteps and shift into the personality of the character who holds my keyboard hostage.

What I have learned about myself is that I am a success. Being number one or two hundred will not change a thing. If the trophy doesn't arrive, I'm still a writer. I wanted to be a writer--and I am.

Without hesitation, I can admit freely there was a time when I believed writing was self-expression, a way of validating my feelings and gathering accolades to endorse my shaky self-opinion. I can absolutely state those endorsements gave me courage. There are, and continue to be, people who have hauled my ass up the pinnacle of self-doubt, but the plateau offers a scenic view. Where I was, is not where I'm at now, and where I'm heading is part of a mountain range. I've developed muscle--I'm sure I won't be defeated by my fear of heights.

FanStory has been home for five years. Like a Norman Rockwell idyllic scene, it is a place that I call home, and I won't leave, but any success I've earned here doesn't guarantee translation into the real world--the world of readers.

I'm launching my own website in February and I invested, paying a 'nerd' to create a showcase for my writing. Yes, I believe in myself enough to cough up real cash.

Let my journey be an inspiration to you. We can all be published, it's a fact of life, but we need to believe we're worth the investment. If we treated every word as if it were currency, perhaps then we would measure, edit and pay attention to what we're putting out there--here--anywhere.

Thank you all for your participation in my trek across the desert from the improbable to the absolute. My name is Ingrid Thomson and I am a writer!