MENTAL INFIDELITY/LYING BY OMISSION

This is a broad-spectrum examination of the uncharted male mind. Trying as best as one can to make sense of male logic is as challenging as circumnavigating the globe in a rowboat. However, I will give it my best shot.

I go back and reclaim my original thought, which is, on the whole, men are not wired to be monogamous; they just aren't. So to justify a rich fantasy life while in a supposed committed relationship, they tell themselves that if they have not gone through with the physical act of infidelity, but rather have only committed it in their minds, then no harm no foul. The fact that their every waking moment is consumed with the woman that is considered forbidden fruit, and thereby takes them to a distant place in their relationship, does not register with them at all. On the contrary, they feel they should be rewarded for seemingly admirable restraint. After all, they have only made passionate love to this woman in their minds; a scenario that most likely runs through their heads when actually having sex with their wives or girlfriends.

What these men do not understand is that mental infidelity, and I am talking about serious preoccupation/fixation on one woman not the random thoughts men have about women in general, is just as destructive as committing the physical act. All of their sexual energy is being fed into the daily fantasy about another woman. They find what they consider legitimate ways to distance themselves from their relationship. It may be by staying at work late every night or committing themselves to an extreme exercise regimen that takes up all their spare time. Either way, this mental dalliance of theirs takes its toll on the marriage/relationship.

A woman knows when she is the "most favored nation" so to speak. When she feels the full warmth and caring of the man who is actively courting her. I know, in this day and age, the term "courting" is considered quaint and wholly out of date, but men do still do this after a fashion when they are in pursuit of a woman they desire.

A woman also knows the very moment she has dropped to the bottom of his thoughts and realizes that his amorous feelings are focused in another's direction. She finds herself in a "Catch 22" situation, in that if she decides to say something to him, she is met with the old adage of "the best defense is a good offense," whereby he employs condescension and righteous indignation at the very suggestion that he is being unfaithful. His reaction to her query of his feelings for her, or possibly another, is exponentially proportionate to his actual guilt. He will attempt to make her feel small and ashamed for even considering such thoughts. He will usually throw in "you are suffocating me with your restrictive and possessive behavior", even if she has not confronted him previously. If she says nothing and tries to let things run their course, then she is subjected to watching her relationship become stale and eventually circle the drain. It is a no win situation for the partner whose male partner is fully engaged in mental infidelity. Leave it to our clever gents to rely on the age old war strategies of Mao Zedong and Sun Tzu to buy themselves more time.

Lying by omission is an even more sinister diversionary tactic. He is not really lying, just omitting chunks of information that he has decided will not bode well for him. He views this as necessary pacification in order to foster harmony within the relationship. Most of these men have mastered the art of bobbing and weaving through the Q&A, deftly employing the lying by omission method.

All-in-all duplicity is the order of the day and no relationship can sustain this kind of dubious behavior for very long. Most women with any sense at all grow extremely tired of having their intelligence insulted and once fed up, they finally cut these guys loose.

The guys themselves, not given to self-examination at all, tend to go from one disastrous relationship to the next never getting that they might just possibly be the problem. According to them they are the salt of the earth, Jesus of Nazareth and Moses all wrapped up in one and just very misunderstood by females. As long as these men keep blowing smoke up their own asses, they will continue to end up alone, which is probably for the best where women are concerned. These fellas should have orange construction cones placed around them with flashing warning signs telling approaching women to tread carefully and strongly advising them to just bypass the disaster altogether.

It is ironic, in that these terminally dysfunctional men are forever drawn to women on the whole (they are men who love women), and they usually possess enormous amounts of physical and intellectual appeal ... they are like catnip to women. The beginning of a relationship between these charming men and the women they attract is euphoric in nature. He can be the most attentive and ardent lover, and for a brief moment she thinks she has finally found the one for her. That might possibly be true if the guy wasn't sporting more emotional baggage than a Grand Canyon pack mule. This is eventually what brings about the demise of the relationship.

I have written about only one sort of man in this piece, because this is the type I know all too well, which doesn't say much for my selection process. Time and again I gravitate toward the emotionally unavailable male of the species. I empathize with those women of my ilk that find themselves doing the same. We would be better off just taking a hammer and hitting ourselves in the head repeatedly, so that when we finally stop, just bordering on the unconscious, it will feel fantastic. It is pretty much the same exercise either way.