| Biographical Non-Fiction posted October 5, 2013 | Chapters: |
...40 41 -42- 43... 
|
  |
Through Thick and Thin, and Honesty or Dishonesty.
A chapter in the book The Little Dog That Wouldn't Let Go
Friends, Honesty, & Integrity?
by Sankey
| Background This was the year my Mum had her stroke, which was a real shock to us all. Chapter 42 (Word) |
I was going to leave this chapter blank. People only want you for what you do for them; and when you need special help yourself, you haven't got a friend where you thought you did!
You've heard the saying: "with friends like you, who needs enemies." My version, especially for the KIWIS is "with friends like you - who needs ‘enemas’." Ie you give me the ...! (in New Zealand, home of the flightless Kiwi bird, all the vowels are flattened in their dialect or pronunciation of English.) You can imagine what that does to "six" and "enemies," and so on.
You can tell who your real friends are when you do all the calling on the phone! We don't mind so much now as we get all our Interstate calls for a local fee - but, still!? I should emphasise here it's not such a problem for me. I have learned over the years, to put up with it. I have actually got that way, it doesn't matter whether we see people or not. I have become rather "reclusive", but I am told that is not a healthy state to be in. I know women like to see other women and get together for a chat every now and then. So it hurts a lot to experience the rejection and uncaring attitude of the family and church folks, especially for Louise. I thought this little study might be good to place in here. Hope you enjoy this.
WHAT IS REAL FELLOWSHIP?
The after church "cuppa" is no place for real Fellowship, least not at our church. It is mainly small talk or a "hello, how's your father...." etc. My pastor (speaking in 2012) recently said the same thing. I agree but we can't get folks to come to our home for the real thing! (Real Fellowship!)
We used to sing "Happy Birthday" in church every Sunday, a birthday/ or birthdays was announced. Occasionally for a "special milestone" birthday, a special cake was put on after church. More recently there was a "numbers" game going on I believe, in getting birthday cakes out every week for every birthday.
Not to be "sour grapes" about it, but if the folks had been more interested and kept us in mind we would have got a cake for my 60th and my wife's 50th the year before. I guess we can't be too hard as we most years in the past have been away during our birthdays and Wedding Anniversary times - all in March as stated earlier in another chapter.
I believe true fellowship is sharing one another's burdens, blessings and victories in Christ. We tried for ages to have people home for proper fellowship. But people are scared of us because we need special access to places for the wheelchair and so on. They seem to think they will get asked to do something if they accept an invitation to our home. This attitude was not more marked than our first afternoon tea with our newest pastor and his wife. We started to tell them about our lawn mowing and cleaning. Before we got finished there was a loud protest that they were not available to do lawn mowing or cleaning. What we began to tell them was that our neighbour over the back kindly did all our cleaning and mowing for us. It very strongly indicated we could not count on them for any kind of support if needed. So sad to learn this from a couple we really liked, otherwise.
I did a stint onFacebook* for a while and that stirred up a lot of old contacts and memories - but as Louise says to me, often -
"we, or in some cases just 'I' have all moved on over these 20, 30 and more years." I am now back on *Fb but still not having much contact with the "Dinosaur" friends. We are being cut off over time; from old friends. I mean those of us without children and subsequent "Grand" family and so on... we lose contact with folk, we wonder what is going on with many of them.
I know it is because children and Grandchildren tend to take up their time and we the childless - are not part of their "scene" anymore, sadly. "BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE KIDS", as the saying goes. We have become "hind-sighted" as we get older, deciding we have more to look back on and less to look forward to...However, at a time I decided to change direction, in a few areas, the Lord gave me that passage in Philippians Chapter 3, from the old KJV of course...
"Philippians 3:13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, vs 14: I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."
Sorry, I was never a Theolog but this challenged me to "move on" basically.
My lifelong, and best friend is a fellow named Jim. Jim and I met when his Uncle Stan was pastor of Marsfield Mission church.We had lots of good times together back then - and even to this day. Though a lot older and both married, we still see each other from time to time.
My Mum was kind of a "second Mum" to Jim as his Mum, Hazel was very ill for a lot of years – still is, even today. Actually, Jim did a lot of duties at home a boy of 10 and 11 would, or should NOT normally be doing - of a domestic nature. Reason being, his Mother was plagued with back trouble for most of her life and confined to bed.
I guess I shared my Mum with him on a lot of his visits to our home in Ryde, too. He was our pastor's Nephew. Stan and Mary were pastoring at Marsfield Mission from about 1960 onwards right up till around 1971. We shared some of this in an earlier chapter. Unfortunately, Jim was away. with work on the railways, in various country areas for quite some time so we never saw much of each other until later on after he met Nadia and they were married.
When I was younger and single, there were always places I was welcome for meals or fellowship or a "cuppa." (Particularly out in Penrith in the late 70’s and 80’s). What has happened to all that? Are people afraid if they allow us to get close they might be obligated over much to help when we need it? In other places in this book, you will have seen how I was left to my own devices - even when active in church work. (see some other chapters about those in more detail.)
I have a lot of fond memories of as her Grandchildren knew her, ‘Ninga’. Ninga and I came to Berean Baptist (or Nepean Baptist as we are now) at the same time (September in 1977). I remember many occasions of late night cups of tea, meals, talking and such with Ninga in the Allan Rd House. Then later in the Granny Flat in Winbourne Rd at her son in law, Keith's and daughter Yvonne's house in Mulgoa.
I will always be grateful for the start Yvonne and Keith gave me in my Music Teaching Business. We started in the Playroom at the side of the Winbourne Rd House, in Mulgoa. Yvonne was my very helpful “volunteer message taker” from ads placed in the "Mulgoa Gazette" newspaper run by Margaret Kramer. I think her boys were in my Sunday School Class for a short time also. Anyway "Moore Music Services" had its beginnings in that Playroom in Winbourne Rd. All because of meeting "Ninga" at our church in Penrith.
Ninga was one of the most caring, non-judgemental people I have ever met. As we approach the Federal Elections, I have to mention the only thing we kind of disagreed on was Politics. Anyway, Ninga loved all her family including her cousins and their children. She also loved and sometimes cared for children of the church folks in her home in Alan Rd.
I knew Dick, Ninga’s brother and Olive, his wife pretty well too. Yvonne will remember we had a time of attending Weight Watchers, together, too. Not sure how much good it did any of us. Little did I know I would be diagnosed as a Type 2 Diabetic 30 years later. Yeah, I know my own fault really.
One lesson I learned many years ago, was, when you make an appointment you stick to it, unless there are really important reasons to change, or cancel. I had an occasion when something was arranged, and I got a call to cancel whatever it was. So I went ahead and made some other arrangements to occupy that time I had set aside previously. Later I got another call from the first person saying they were free now and could we do what we were going to do!
That was when I decided from then on – first in, first served. I think the only time I changed that was for my Niece’s wedding. I had been booked up to play for someone’s wedding. It happened that my Niece was being married, on the same day. I guess family is considered more important most of the time. Looking back and seeing my Niece is long divorced from her husband I wish I had kept the appointment to play for this fine, and many years later, still married couple with their now grown family.
One couple I have enjoyed the friendship of, over more than 40 years, I first met in the early 70’s. Our friendship is a really different one. I can remember over all these years our "getting together" was mostly only once a year. Or even further apart than that.However, when we would again see each other, it was like we just carried on from the last time we enjoyed each other's company. That to me is a perfect kind of friendship.
I recently learned of the passing of another old friend from my early life till around 1974 when I left my first church. I was reminded of the many years we had known this lady and her family. Her husband was the superintendent of our church for a long time. At one time, Dorothy (Mrs. Brumfield) had offered me a very old pump organ years before but someone else needed it for the time being.Many years later I got it...all broken up so I had a great time restoring it. I am sorry I let it go so cheaply, as it was probably considered antique and it looked really good after I fixed it all up. The problem was, I had nowhere to put it as Mum was selling the house and I was moving into a flat about a year before I married Louise. I will always regret selling off that dear old organ.
When Louise and I were married, we invited all and sundry people to our wedding. Have you noticed after you marry you often don't see the same folks you knew before your wedding day, ever again?
One person, I am pleased to say we came to know on friendly terms from our work at Concord Hospital, was Gerard. He has remained a strong friend for all this time since we met in 1985, or thereabouts. A very handy friend, as well, he has helped us with some small painting jobs and we have enjoyed his company for meals and so on over the years.
It is a sad fact of life that as we get along in years, things change. That applies also to our outlook on people with whom we have been friends of sorts for years. We begin to discover some lack of integrity and dishonesty that hurts, once we become aware of same. We discover that people have attained certain positions of trust through a false representation of their own achievements. These have resulted in their appointment to otherwise respected positions, even in churches of which we were a part.
I feel really hurt when I learn that someone whom I loved and respected for a long time has got where they are through dishonesty. Even as they age, and decline in health, they also begin to compromise on what we all thought were some great standards and beliefs. I guess this is why we have "quality" rather than "quantity" real friends.
It has been on my mind that I should not forget the hundreds of "Cyber" friends I have made over the years. These are friends that, in most cases, I may never ever meet face to face in real life. However, many of these have come and gone and even others are still very much a part of my life "on-line" - if in no other way. Folks like Dr Marty Few, who I go way back with and even once on the phone for an hour "over the waves" as we shared the cost of the call and I got to talk to his, now with the Lord, dear wife Sis Mae.
I have learned so much from this Man of God. Even during a time when I felt the lack of local support from my own pastor. We have dealt with that in other places in this book.
I began "online" in the mid to late 1990's where initially, I became involved with some whom we can only say now were of the "sinner's prayer," "easy believism" kind. Some members of supposedly LARGE churches that, sadly were full of false professing but totally lost individuals. It was fortunate, as time progressed, I began to gather around me the more "fair dinkum" as we say here in Australia, or genuine kind of brothers and sisters in Christ.
I even spent quite some time in Cyberspace encouraging and being encouraged by a dear family in the deep South of the USA, namely the Browns. Dorothy Jean and her late husband Howard commonly known as Junior Brown. Between us- Dorothy and Junior in the "Up Over" USA, and myself in the "Down Under" Southern Hemisphere of Australia, spent many hours together. During these times Howard or Junior was dealing with terminal illness.
Not only that but it was a time of cyclones in America's South. "Katrina" and "Rita" immediately spring to mind. At one time things were so bad Howard (Junior) had to be evacuated initially to a place unknown even to his dear wife, Dorothy. It was only through the diligence of one of their family, Dorothy was to learn Howard had been moved to Nashville in Tennessee for his own wellbeing and safety. Eventually, after all the troubles, they were reunited again until finally dear Howard went home to be with our Saviour.
It is a joy to still be in contact with dear Sis Dorothy after all this time and to remember these harder times together even if via the Internet.
There are many more stories could be shared of wonderful times of fellowship online. Some friendships even came out of my more than 15 years running our Church's Website. This included a large mailing list for the sending and receiving of Missionary Letters we for a time also put up on the "world wide web."
Can't leave out mention of a very dear friend to us both, who, for many years did some rather major work around our property. We also had many precious times of Christian Fellowship with our dear friend Phil who has sadly, now gone home to be with our Saviour from Cancer. It is now, more than four years since he passed away and we still miss him very much. He was a "one in a million" kind of friend.
I must say a big thank you to a more recent crowd of friends I have made on a Writers' Web Site. They have been almost like extended family in the way they have helped in my writing ventures. Suggestions made for improvement have quite often been actioned. I have also had much pleasure reading and reviewing others works on the site as well. Thanks to all of you for your contribution to my writing efforts.
You've heard the saying: "with friends like you, who needs enemies." My version, especially for the KIWIS is "with friends like you - who needs ‘enemas’." Ie you give me the ...! (in New Zealand, home of the flightless Kiwi bird, all the vowels are flattened in their dialect or pronunciation of English.) You can imagine what that does to "six" and "enemies," and so on.
You can tell who your real friends are when you do all the calling on the phone! We don't mind so much now as we get all our Interstate calls for a local fee - but, still!? I should emphasise here it's not such a problem for me. I have learned over the years, to put up with it. I have actually got that way, it doesn't matter whether we see people or not. I have become rather "reclusive", but I am told that is not a healthy state to be in. I know women like to see other women and get together for a chat every now and then. So it hurts a lot to experience the rejection and uncaring attitude of the family and church folks, especially for Louise. I thought this little study might be good to place in here. Hope you enjoy this.
WHAT IS REAL FELLOWSHIP?
The after church "cuppa" is no place for real Fellowship, least not at our church. It is mainly small talk or a "hello, how's your father...." etc. My pastor (speaking in 2012) recently said the same thing. I agree but we can't get folks to come to our home for the real thing! (Real Fellowship!)
We used to sing "Happy Birthday" in church every Sunday, a birthday/ or birthdays was announced. Occasionally for a "special milestone" birthday, a special cake was put on after church. More recently there was a "numbers" game going on I believe, in getting birthday cakes out every week for every birthday.
Not to be "sour grapes" about it, but if the folks had been more interested and kept us in mind we would have got a cake for my 60th and my wife's 50th the year before. I guess we can't be too hard as we most years in the past have been away during our birthdays and Wedding Anniversary times - all in March as stated earlier in another chapter.
I believe true fellowship is sharing one another's burdens, blessings and victories in Christ. We tried for ages to have people home for proper fellowship. But people are scared of us because we need special access to places for the wheelchair and so on. They seem to think they will get asked to do something if they accept an invitation to our home. This attitude was not more marked than our first afternoon tea with our newest pastor and his wife. We started to tell them about our lawn mowing and cleaning. Before we got finished there was a loud protest that they were not available to do lawn mowing or cleaning. What we began to tell them was that our neighbour over the back kindly did all our cleaning and mowing for us. It very strongly indicated we could not count on them for any kind of support if needed. So sad to learn this from a couple we really liked, otherwise.
I did a stint onFacebook* for a while and that stirred up a lot of old contacts and memories - but as Louise says to me, often -
"we, or in some cases just 'I' have all moved on over these 20, 30 and more years." I am now back on *Fb but still not having much contact with the "Dinosaur" friends. We are being cut off over time; from old friends. I mean those of us without children and subsequent "Grand" family and so on... we lose contact with folk, we wonder what is going on with many of them.
I know it is because children and Grandchildren tend to take up their time and we the childless - are not part of their "scene" anymore, sadly. "BECAUSE WE DON'T HAVE KIDS", as the saying goes. We have become "hind-sighted" as we get older, deciding we have more to look back on and less to look forward to...However, at a time I decided to change direction, in a few areas, the Lord gave me that passage in Philippians Chapter 3, from the old KJV of course...
"Philippians 3:13 Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, vs 14: I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."
Sorry, I was never a Theolog but this challenged me to "move on" basically.
My lifelong, and best friend is a fellow named Jim. Jim and I met when his Uncle Stan was pastor of Marsfield Mission church.We had lots of good times together back then - and even to this day. Though a lot older and both married, we still see each other from time to time.
My Mum was kind of a "second Mum" to Jim as his Mum, Hazel was very ill for a lot of years – still is, even today. Actually, Jim did a lot of duties at home a boy of 10 and 11 would, or should NOT normally be doing - of a domestic nature. Reason being, his Mother was plagued with back trouble for most of her life and confined to bed.
I guess I shared my Mum with him on a lot of his visits to our home in Ryde, too. He was our pastor's Nephew. Stan and Mary were pastoring at Marsfield Mission from about 1960 onwards right up till around 1971. We shared some of this in an earlier chapter. Unfortunately, Jim was away. with work on the railways, in various country areas for quite some time so we never saw much of each other until later on after he met Nadia and they were married.
When I was younger and single, there were always places I was welcome for meals or fellowship or a "cuppa." (Particularly out in Penrith in the late 70’s and 80’s). What has happened to all that? Are people afraid if they allow us to get close they might be obligated over much to help when we need it? In other places in this book, you will have seen how I was left to my own devices - even when active in church work. (see some other chapters about those in more detail.)
I have a lot of fond memories of as her Grandchildren knew her, ‘Ninga’. Ninga and I came to Berean Baptist (or Nepean Baptist as we are now) at the same time (September in 1977). I remember many occasions of late night cups of tea, meals, talking and such with Ninga in the Allan Rd House. Then later in the Granny Flat in Winbourne Rd at her son in law, Keith's and daughter Yvonne's house in Mulgoa.
I will always be grateful for the start Yvonne and Keith gave me in my Music Teaching Business. We started in the Playroom at the side of the Winbourne Rd House, in Mulgoa. Yvonne was my very helpful “volunteer message taker” from ads placed in the "Mulgoa Gazette" newspaper run by Margaret Kramer. I think her boys were in my Sunday School Class for a short time also. Anyway "Moore Music Services" had its beginnings in that Playroom in Winbourne Rd. All because of meeting "Ninga" at our church in Penrith.
Ninga was one of the most caring, non-judgemental people I have ever met. As we approach the Federal Elections, I have to mention the only thing we kind of disagreed on was Politics. Anyway, Ninga loved all her family including her cousins and their children. She also loved and sometimes cared for children of the church folks in her home in Alan Rd.
I knew Dick, Ninga’s brother and Olive, his wife pretty well too. Yvonne will remember we had a time of attending Weight Watchers, together, too. Not sure how much good it did any of us. Little did I know I would be diagnosed as a Type 2 Diabetic 30 years later. Yeah, I know my own fault really.
One lesson I learned many years ago, was, when you make an appointment you stick to it, unless there are really important reasons to change, or cancel. I had an occasion when something was arranged, and I got a call to cancel whatever it was. So I went ahead and made some other arrangements to occupy that time I had set aside previously. Later I got another call from the first person saying they were free now and could we do what we were going to do!
That was when I decided from then on – first in, first served. I think the only time I changed that was for my Niece’s wedding. I had been booked up to play for someone’s wedding. It happened that my Niece was being married, on the same day. I guess family is considered more important most of the time. Looking back and seeing my Niece is long divorced from her husband I wish I had kept the appointment to play for this fine, and many years later, still married couple with their now grown family.
One couple I have enjoyed the friendship of, over more than 40 years, I first met in the early 70’s. Our friendship is a really different one. I can remember over all these years our "getting together" was mostly only once a year. Or even further apart than that.However, when we would again see each other, it was like we just carried on from the last time we enjoyed each other's company. That to me is a perfect kind of friendship.
I recently learned of the passing of another old friend from my early life till around 1974 when I left my first church. I was reminded of the many years we had known this lady and her family. Her husband was the superintendent of our church for a long time. At one time, Dorothy (Mrs. Brumfield) had offered me a very old pump organ years before but someone else needed it for the time being.Many years later I got it...all broken up so I had a great time restoring it. I am sorry I let it go so cheaply, as it was probably considered antique and it looked really good after I fixed it all up. The problem was, I had nowhere to put it as Mum was selling the house and I was moving into a flat about a year before I married Louise. I will always regret selling off that dear old organ.
When Louise and I were married, we invited all and sundry people to our wedding. Have you noticed after you marry you often don't see the same folks you knew before your wedding day, ever again?
One person, I am pleased to say we came to know on friendly terms from our work at Concord Hospital, was Gerard. He has remained a strong friend for all this time since we met in 1985, or thereabouts. A very handy friend, as well, he has helped us with some small painting jobs and we have enjoyed his company for meals and so on over the years.
It is a sad fact of life that as we get along in years, things change. That applies also to our outlook on people with whom we have been friends of sorts for years. We begin to discover some lack of integrity and dishonesty that hurts, once we become aware of same. We discover that people have attained certain positions of trust through a false representation of their own achievements. These have resulted in their appointment to otherwise respected positions, even in churches of which we were a part.
I feel really hurt when I learn that someone whom I loved and respected for a long time has got where they are through dishonesty. Even as they age, and decline in health, they also begin to compromise on what we all thought were some great standards and beliefs. I guess this is why we have "quality" rather than "quantity" real friends.
It has been on my mind that I should not forget the hundreds of "Cyber" friends I have made over the years. These are friends that, in most cases, I may never ever meet face to face in real life. However, many of these have come and gone and even others are still very much a part of my life "on-line" - if in no other way. Folks like Dr Marty Few, who I go way back with and even once on the phone for an hour "over the waves" as we shared the cost of the call and I got to talk to his, now with the Lord, dear wife Sis Mae.
I have learned so much from this Man of God. Even during a time when I felt the lack of local support from my own pastor. We have dealt with that in other places in this book.
I began "online" in the mid to late 1990's where initially, I became involved with some whom we can only say now were of the "sinner's prayer," "easy believism" kind. Some members of supposedly LARGE churches that, sadly were full of false professing but totally lost individuals. It was fortunate, as time progressed, I began to gather around me the more "fair dinkum" as we say here in Australia, or genuine kind of brothers and sisters in Christ.
I even spent quite some time in Cyberspace encouraging and being encouraged by a dear family in the deep South of the USA, namely the Browns. Dorothy Jean and her late husband Howard commonly known as Junior Brown. Between us- Dorothy and Junior in the "Up Over" USA, and myself in the "Down Under" Southern Hemisphere of Australia, spent many hours together. During these times Howard or Junior was dealing with terminal illness.
Not only that but it was a time of cyclones in America's South. "Katrina" and "Rita" immediately spring to mind. At one time things were so bad Howard (Junior) had to be evacuated initially to a place unknown even to his dear wife, Dorothy. It was only through the diligence of one of their family, Dorothy was to learn Howard had been moved to Nashville in Tennessee for his own wellbeing and safety. Eventually, after all the troubles, they were reunited again until finally dear Howard went home to be with our Saviour.
It is a joy to still be in contact with dear Sis Dorothy after all this time and to remember these harder times together even if via the Internet.
There are many more stories could be shared of wonderful times of fellowship online. Some friendships even came out of my more than 15 years running our Church's Website. This included a large mailing list for the sending and receiving of Missionary Letters we for a time also put up on the "world wide web."
Can't leave out mention of a very dear friend to us both, who, for many years did some rather major work around our property. We also had many precious times of Christian Fellowship with our dear friend Phil who has sadly, now gone home to be with our Saviour from Cancer. It is now, more than four years since he passed away and we still miss him very much. He was a "one in a million" kind of friend.
I must say a big thank you to a more recent crowd of friends I have made on a Writers' Web Site. They have been almost like extended family in the way they have helped in my writing ventures. Suggestions made for improvement have quite often been actioned. I have also had much pleasure reading and reviewing others works on the site as well. Thanks to all of you for your contribution to my writing efforts.
 Recognized |
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Photo is of Jim and Nadia on the left with us at a club for dinner. They were being difficult and would not let us get them both together with us so I fixed it hehe!
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