Cherchez La Femme

by kiwisteveh

Cherchez la femme, what does it mean?
There's always a woman behind the scene.
When disaster strikes like a lightning bolt,
Look for the woman, it'll be her fault!

*****

Adam, when lonely, so t'is said
Requested a mate to fill his bed.
God obliged and gave him Eve;
What happened next, you won't believe:

She met a snake, she stole some fruit,
With fig-leaves covered her birthday suit.
God got angry, gave a shout,
From Paradise he chucked them out.

*****

Now Samson was an Israelite
Endowed with superhuman might.
God granted that almighty strength,
As long as his locks retained their length.

With ass's jawbone as a sword,
He slaughtered Philistines by the horde.
Though stronger than a Kenworth truck,
Delilah with scissors changed his luck

*****

Not thinking who she might embarrass
Helen left her king, for Trojan Paris.
Her flashing eyes and luscious lips
Were soon to launch one thousand ships.

Homer's Iliad tells the story:
The ten-year war, the death, the glory,
The wooden horse, the city burned,
Till Leda's daughter was returned.

*****

Cleopatra ruled the Nile
In almost 21st Century style.
She took one lover, then another,
She bathed in milk, she wed her brother.

When family ties no more did please her,
Rolled in a rug, she called on Caesar.
Brutus and Cassius showing starch,
Dispatched him on the Ides of March.

Great Cleo though retained her spark
And carried on with Antony, Mark.
At Actium, his fleet was sunk,
So Mark and Cleo did a bunk.

All was lost, you know the rest,
She clutched a viper to her breast,
While he, still cursing that faithless broad,
In the Roman way, fell on his sword.

*****

Macbeth met witches on the heath;
With riddles they fanned the flames beneath.
When he faltered, his loathsome wife
Called him a coward and took the knife.

No milk of kindness to be seen,
She urged him on then fled the scene.
When Birnam came to Dunsinane,
She lost the plot, went quite insane,

While hubby battled on alone
Defending his ill-gotten throne.
Still blinded by his Queen's ambition,
He fought Macduff then met perdition.

*****

The sixteenth Louis cast his net
And landed Marie Antoinette.
This hasty marital solution
Ended in La Revolution.

Marie's extravagance was fable;
There was no shortage at her table,
But when the peasants lacked for bread,
She snapped, "Let them eat cake instead."

Soon citizens took King and Queen
To visit Madame La Guillotine.
In Paris streets they celebrated
To see their royals decapitated.

*****

Wallis Simpson had a fling
With Edward Windsor, would-be king.
Though she was witty, wild and charming,
She'd two ex-husbands; how alarming!

He was crowned, he then proposed,
The British people were opposed;
But Edward said, "Our love is fated.
George can rule, I've abdicated!"

*****

Let us count them, if we can,
A hirsute hero, Earth's first man,
Two Roman generals and a Scot,
Three kings with all the wealth they'd got.

Bewitched, besotted and beguiled
A pretty face drove each one wild.
Eight great men taken for a ride
By the sweet delights of the distaff side.

Those who will not learn from History
Are doomed to repeat, that's not a mystery;
So I must flee to save my life,
Oh deadly peril, here comes the wife!

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Apologies in advance to the 51% of the population whom I've offended with this. I started to write a simple poem about famous partnerships, but the misogynistic rant took over! I may have taken one or two liberties with historical accuracy as well - apparently Marie Antoinette never really said that, but hey, I've got my poet's licence somewhere. "Honey! Have you done something with my licence? - I just left it on the bench...."

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kiwisteveh has granted FanStory.com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.

A brief history of feminine deception

A chapter in the book Steve's Story-Poems

Cherchez La Femme

by kiwisteveh

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