"She says you're fat, but have a lot of money."

"Shut up kid."

"Yeah, she told Auntie Greta your bum is covered in fur."

"Listen Jake, just shut up. What happens between your mom and me is none of your damn business."

"Mommy, Mommy, Bill said a bad word," Jake yelled up the stairs.

"Shut up, you little monster. Your mom and I just want to have a nice evening. Don't get your shorts in a knot."

Jake watched Bill pull at his collar and brush the dandruff off his shoulder.

"Did you bring me any treats?"

"How to you feel about a nice cyanide cookie?"

"Never tried one. Where is it?"

"Oops, I forgot. How about a five knuckle sandwich instead," Bill said as he shook his fist towards Jake.

"The other men always brought me toys."

"What other men?" Bill asked.

"Oh you know, my other uncles. One drives a red sports car and he promised me a ride."

Bill tried to ignore the little asshole. Clearly Sherri had no control over this brat.

"Shouldn't the sitter be here by now?"

"Yeah, well, she lives next door. She's just waiting for the signal, oops. I mean, for Mommy to call her."

Bill sat back on the sofa, impatiently waiting for Sheri to make her grand entrance.. Broads, he thought. They spend all their time getting dressed and I can't wait to see her naked.

Bill never saw it coming. The doorbell chimed and Sherri waltzed down the staircase enveloped in a mist of Channel. Bill doubled over and groaned as the full thrust of Jake's strategic kick registered.

Jake sat quietly on the sofa as his mother gave final instructions to the sitter.

"We shouldn't be late."

As she made her way into the living room, Sherri smiled and gave Jake a hug before focusing all her attention on Bill.

"It's so nice to see you two get along so well," she said as she blew a kiss to her son.