What if I'd never decided to try and walk home alone that fateful night?

Rape wouldn't be a word that scars my soul and brings blackouts, flashbacks and fear.

What if I'd taken the other nursing job?

I wouldn't have met the man who nearly took my life twice in the course of our marriage.

What if I'd stayed in our home and refused to move when he insisted?

Being a single parent would have come five years and countless beatings earlier.

What if I could change it all? 

Would I change it?

What if the alternative future didn't include five beautiful children whom I love enough to die for? 

What if in changing the past, and removing the pain, I never wrote a single word for anyone to read? 

If I held the key to the past, I would stand on the edge of the sky and let it fall into the hands of God. 

That's where it belongs.