Freedom From Fear

Several years ago, when I was still in private practice as a psychotherapist, a crisis counseling organization asked me to be a part of a team made up of nine other therapists from around the United States. We would be trained and then sent on a moment's notice to places that had experienced a traumatic event in their community. We were to equip and train those professionals in that community to better assist their citizens who were suffering from traumatic or complicated grief, the fear of it occurring again, the anger and frustration, and powerlessness that often comes from an unwanted tragedy.

One such event occurred in the East. For nearly two weeks, I worked with those in the community who were specifically dedicated to the children who had been traumatized.  The background to this story is a man had gone into a community center of this small town and killed five people and then himself.

Children were having night terrors. They were afraid that when their parents would leave the house, they would not come back. They didn't want to go to school or play outside for fear that something would happen to them. Parents and teachers felt powerless in trying to convince many of the children that this mass shooting would not happen again.

I selected seven children who were particularly traumatized. They had all lost someone close to them in the massacre. We met together for five sessions in the two weeks. The team then called a meeting of teachers, parents, clinicians, clergy, police, and other concerned citizens. This meeting would take place in an auditorium at the nearby university. I had the children sitting on stage in a circle. Every seat in the auditorium was taken. 

I asked the children if they would describe their feelings about the massacre. They were eager to share their anxiety and fear despite the constant reminders from the adults in their lives that they had nothing to be afraid of. This would not happen to them. Nevertheless, they all described how they couldn't sleep. They were always anxious about being outside. They described waiting for their father and mother to come home and crying if they were late. They were all in grief and it seemed as if they could not get past that horrible day when someone came into their community center and started killing.

I asked them, "Do you know who did this?"

"No," said everyone in the circle.

"Have you ever seen him or a picture of this man?"

And everyone said emphatically, "No!"

How do you feel about this man?"

One boy said, "I wish I could kill him!"

And others began to express similar comments. I could see that as they began to express these emotions they were moving out of fear and into anger. Moving out of a non-cognitive position to a cognitive position.

I said, "I have a picture of the man who did this. Would you let me show it to you?"

They all agreed and I could sense the anxiety of those in the audience. I put the picture in the middle of the circle so that all the children could see the picture together and at the same time. There was complete silence in the group and the audience.

 After a couple of minutes, I asked the children what they were feeling. One boy said, "I want to stomp on his face!"

I said, "Go ahead. No one will stop you."

And immediately he jumped up and went to the center of the circle and began stomping on the picture and yelling. Soon others got up and began to stomp on the picture and then others, until all the children had the opportunity to vent their anger on that picture.

Some of the children were crying, but it was a cry of relief. Others began to pace and some quietly returned to their seats. Those in the audience were also reacting with crying and wanting to come up and support the children.

After everyone had calmed down, I asked, "Now that you have stomped on his picture, is anyone in the circle feeling afraid?"

"I'm not afraid anymore. I'm just angry!" And the others agreed.

I turned to the audience of caregivers and supporters of these children and said, "Now it's your turn. Children have not yet learned how to be afraid and angry at the same time. That part of their brain has not yet developed. But now their fear is gone. Now it's your responsibility to work with these children to move beyond their anger. They are now dealing with this trauma in the present and not out of what could happen. Affirm, don't judge their anger. It's a healthy emotion. Your job is to show them now how they will use their anger to get well again. Good luck."

I turned to the children and asked if they had anything else to say. And they rushed toward me and gave me a big collective hug. I still hear from some of those children who are now young adults. They still have recall of that tragic moment. But they also remind me how they learned to take back their lives because of that day on a stage in a school auditorium with a man they had seen only a couple of times but taught them the power of being free from fear.