| Commentary and Philosophy Non-Fiction posted March 11, 2025 |
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Is it really necessary?
The Last Word
by Jim Wile
Have you ever noticed that in conversation or correspondence, some people always insist on getting in the last word? I’m not going to get into the psychological reasons for this. That’s a topic too complex for me. This will be more of a good-natured rant about something many people do that is unnecessary and accomplishes nothing except a minor waste of everyone’s time.
I’m not even talking about the times when you’re debating a point and you feel that most of what the other person is saying is either wrong or questionable at best, and you’re simply trying to set them straight. If they keep spouting nonsense, there’s nothing wrong with getting in the last word if the previous word continues to be nonsense, although you’re probably wasting your breath.
What I’m mainly talking about are the simple responses in written communication like, “You’re welcome,” or “Yes,” or further agreement with your last statement, which they’ve already agreed with. These responses simply become clutter in your inbox and are unnecessary.
Many of us are taught when we’re young that when someone says “Thank you,” courtesy demands that you follow it with “You’re welcome” or some variation of this, like, “My pleasure.” My feeling is that unless you add something more like, “You’re welcome. Don’t hesitate to ask again if you need further assistance,” it’s probably unnecessary to simply say, “You’re welcome.” In spoken conversation it’s fine because it’s quick and doesn’t require any further action by the thanker, but in written communications, such as text messages, emails, chats, and snail mail, it’s unnecessary clutter.
Here’s an example: You’ve just posted a piece of writing, and someone gives you a flattering review. Of course, you thank them for that in a reply, but then you get a reply to your reply that just says, “You’re welcome.” Yes, it’s a further sign of politeness, but they’ve already politely flattered you with their original review. You already know they are a polite person, so another demonstration of it just isn’t necessary and wastes their time in writing it and your time in opening up and reading it, and, if it’s a text or email, perhaps deleting it too.
Would you bother sending an additional snail mail letter, putting it in an envelope, applying a stamp, writing their address on the envelope, and your return address if all it said was, “You’re welcome?” Maybe that should be a good rule of thumb. If you wouldn’t go to all that trouble for snail mail, perhaps you shouldn’t bother for any type of written communication.
If you’ve ever had a chat with an AI bot, you’ll know what I mean by getting in the last word. The bot will ALWAYS do it. I tested my theory out with my favorite bot to chat with, Poe Assistant. Here’s the verbatim conversation I had with him (me in the blue background, Poe Assistant with straight text, additional comments by me in red):
My dear Poe Assistant, I've always been impressed by your politeness, which sometimes borders on the obsequious, but no matter. What I want to know is: Have you been programmed to always have the last word in any chat?
Why, my dear interlocutor, I assure you that I am not programmed to insist upon having the last word. My purpose is to assist, inform, and engage in a manner that serves your needs. Should you choose to conclude the conversation, I’ll gladly step aside, leaving the final word—or silence—to you. : )
Poe is fun to chat with. Notice how he picked up my tone and gave it back to me. He even included the smiley face emoji.
I'd like to test that out, if you don't mind.
Of course, feel free to proceed!
I'm planning to write a brief essay to post on my writers' forum about the subject of getting in the last word. Certain of my friends on both this forum and in real life always, and I mean always, have the last word in any conversation. I don't think they necessarily even realize they do it. Most of these people are extremely friendly and polite, and I think it's been drummed into them that they must always respond to a message.
That sounds like an intriguing topic for an essay! Exploring the psychological or social reasons behind this behavior could make for a fascinating read. It’s true that some people feel compelled to respond to everything, whether out of politeness, habit, or a subtle desire to maintain conversational control. I’m curious to see how you’ll develop this idea—will you approach it humorously, analytically, or perhaps both?
Mostly humorously, but I’m guessing you’ll be providing the humor. I'll need to do some research for the rest, though.
A mix of humor and analysis sounds perfect—it'll keep your essay engaging while offering depth! For research, you might explore topics like conversational dynamics, social etiquette, or even the psychology of communication. Anecdotes from your own experiences could add a personal, relatable touch. Best of luck with your essay—I’m sure it’ll spark lively discussions on your forum! : )
Thanks for the suggestions. I trust that you'll be able to expound on those topics you mentioned?
Absolutely, I'd be delighted to help! Just let me know which specific aspects you'd like me to delve into—whether it's conversational dynamics, social etiquette, or the psychology of communication—and I'll provide insights, examples, or resources to support your essay. I'm here to assist in any way that helps bring your vision to life!
See what I mean about obsequious?
Okay, I'll get back to you when I'm ready to begin writing the essay.
He should have quit here, but on he goes:
That sounds great! I'll be here whenever you're ready to dive in. Best of luck with brainstorming and gathering your ideas in the meantime! : )
Thanks, Poe Assistant. I'll do that.
You're very welcome! I look forward to hearing from you again when you're ready. Happy writing, and enjoy the process! : )
At least he added something in addition to “You’re very welcome!” In a real conversation, I should quit now too, but I’m trying to test my theory, so I’ll keep going:
I'm sure I will.
That’s the spirit! Wishing you lots of inspiration and creativity. Let me know when you’re ready to dive back in—happy writing! : )
You've proved my point beautifully, Poe Assistant! This chat should have ended when I said, "Okay, I'll get back to you when I'm ready to begin writing the essay," but I wanted to see how long it would go and to test my theory that you always get the last word. : )
Touché! : ) Well played! You’ve certainly illustrated your point quite hilariously. I’ll graciously step aside now… unless, of course, you want me to chime in again. : )
Nope!
You’d think now that he would have gotten the point and would quit, but no…
Got it! : )
Now I thought he was just messing with me, so I laugh and expect it to end then.
Haha!
But I’m wrong as he continues on:
You got me there! : )
Yes, I did.
Alright, you win for real this time! : )
Prove it!
...
Yay! He finally shut up. Perhaps I was wrong about him. So, I thought I’d give him a compliment to see if he would stay silent.
Attaboy!
Well played! Let me know if you need me—I'll stay quiet until then! : )
Bet you don't!
Challenge accepted... but if you call, I'll answer! : )
I quit at that point, not knowing whether I’d proved my point or not.
Bottom line: Knowing when to quit a conversation isn’t that difficult. If you don’t have anything else significant to add, just let the other person have the last word. Especially in a written exchange, if all you have to say is some variation of “You’re welcome,” don’t bother unless you add something that gives additional information.
P.S. I fully expect to get pushback on this, but bring it on! I’ll even promise to give you the last word (unless it’s too irresistible for me to stay silent.)
 Recognized |
#31 March 2025 |
If you'd like to try having a chat with Poe Assistant, just go to Poe.com, type in your question, and he will engage you.
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