Faith Journey

Writing my memoir as a fictional novel makes sense. After praying fervently to the Lord for help, that was His answer. Telling my story as fiction leaves room for a good, flowing story and not worrying about sticking to facts. Ultimately, the story is not about me, but about God.

All the work I’ve put in the last four years has finally yielded fruit. I’ve read in devotionals that nothing is wasted by God. I’ve invested in writing courses, joined writing communities, purchased books on writing, and entered writing challenges. Even blogging. All to fulfil my dream of becoming an author.

When I started my memoir, the first account I wrote was about my father’s abuse. I remember breaking down and pushing away the notebook and pen. I suppressed the hurt and pain for years, but God knew I needed to face the trauma, to liberate my soul.

Every memoir piece I’ve written since has helped me to process my life and its journey. I’ve spent so many years angry at my parents for my timid personality. I hated who I was and wished to be someone else. Someone everyone loved and respected. To be the life of the party and not constantly asked: “Why are you so quiet?” I sound dumb when I speak, but I confidently express myself when I write.

No more do I blame my parents but thank God for creating me special. I’m motivated by the stories of Moses, Joshua and Gideon, who God used to do great things. Whatever great thing He has planned for me may not make me famous but might bring encouragement and hope to someone who needs it. I hope that the great thing is my novel.

Pastor Rick Warren states there are six phases of faith—dream, decision, delay, difficulty, dead end, and deliverance. I’ve experienced all six.

Dream. Growing up, I wanted to be a flight attendant, a news anchor, and a fashion designer. As these dreams dissipated as I grew older, a new one surfaced. Author. Of course, this was not my dream but God’s dream for me. I think I was about 30 years old when this desire surfaced. But I let it sit without acting.

Decision. It was not until 2020 that an author DM’d me to beta test her writing course. I accepted, thinking I’d have a book at the end of the eight weeks. This is when I decided to write a memoir and began writing the hard stories. I also discovered writing is hard. I didn’t have a book at the end of the course. Not the author’s fault at all, I just wasn’t ready. At the end of the course, I embarked on learning the craft, an activity that lasted two years.

Delay. Deciding on the book’s structure was troublesome. A series of personal essays? A devotional? A Bible study? I began writing my book as a devotional by including scripture to enhance narrative and reflection questions. A critique advised against this; she said I was evangelizing my story. So, I stuck with plain essays. For me, too drab. Next, I outlined it as a Bible study. Feedback was good and I prepared to write. Then tragedy struck.

Difficulty. I’m all excited to draft but, my husband’s death in May 2023 killed the excitement. After his death, all writing ceased, from blogging to journaling. Although I journaled periodically, the experience was static, lacking motivation. For many months, I felt like I was living in a dream, hoping to soon wake up. I retired early and adopted a new hobby: gardening. Doubt about my writing dream swirled through my mind, and I wondered if I’d heard God right.

Dead End. I thought about giving up. No writing projects were developed in 2024. Gardening proved fun and fruitful. Harvesting fruit and vegetables and adoring the colourful flowers and butterflies reminded me of God’s creation and alleviated my grief. 2024 was a blessed year. But that nudge to write began to rouse. My Old Year’s Day prayer sought guidance for my goals in 2025. Here’s a synopsis:

“Lord, I continue to thank you for your blessings in 2024. For the renovations to my home, the friendships I nurtured, and for your prosperity and provision. I look forward to what you have in store for me, Lord. One thing I desire is to complete my book. I hope, Lord, you can clarify the format and genre for me. You know, I’ve invested thousands of dollars in the past four years to improve my writing and develop a first draft. The book is for you, a testimony of how you were present during all my trials and challenges. This book can be an encouragement to someone who needs it. It may even be an eye-opener to family members who struggle to understand me.  Thank You, Lord, for a bright and prosperous 2024 and I look forward to an even brighter and prosperous 2025. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Deliverance. As I continued to worship, the Lord answered:

 “Write your story as fiction.”

“What Lord? I can’t write fiction.”

“Didn’t you ask for my help?”

“Yes.”

“Then write your story as fiction.” And that was it.

Since then, I’ve encountered several devotionals emphasizing God’s inclusion in everything we do. I consider myself a non-fiction writer, as, for me, writing fiction is hard. But it’s God’s nature to ask us to do hard things, otherwise we wouldn’t need Him, would we?

My word for 2025 is Create, after all, God is the ultimate Creator. And I strongly believe that 2025 is the year I’ll publish my book. The dream of becoming an author is on.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1 NRSVUE).