My Visions Are Confusing

Feeling lost, feeling gone, join me and others in hiding. My name is Leon.  I was and am, one of many,  the twelfth as far as I know. My parents loved each other in many ways. They had their way in front of all of us, sometimes daily.  Always in the dark, but with screams at times. 

Mom would yell, "who turned on the lights?  You think we own the electric company?"  The heat was kept on low,  and we were told many times, "who turned up the heat? The cold never killed anyone".

 

There was no school for anyone, just work in the fields, day in, day out. Sometimes well into the night. The dark became me, I am the dark night.

 

Living out in the prairies, we grew up alone and with each other.  Discipline came from above.  Mom, Dad telling Sam and Alice "control those little bastards, stop their crying, get busy, the sun will set soon".  As the oldest they were in a privileged position. Many got sick, died, were replaced by the next ones born. 

 

I saw darkness, existed in darkness, became dark.  I tortured animals in my care and there was some enjoyment in the fact.  My siblings told me you are next. No thoughts of love, nothing but anger.

 

I entered a depressive state, on my own, my family a distant memory, forgotten dark memories,

Dark beliefs show themselves at times. Thoughts I have, deep inside, deeply hidden,  are never spoken.

 

I feel alone,  I feel lost,  there is no direction.  Walking in the dark. Speaking tongues,  feeling insane. I hear voices. I see things.

The world can become a lonely place, always confusing.  I have a sense of impending doom,  creating visions of lost time.

 

Dark visions surround me. Some dark thoughts, sounds around me are deafening, imploding inside me.

 

Walking in the dark,  believing my life is, and as it was, meant to be.

It is leading to unknown places.  Darkness surrounds everyone.